Worst movies/TV shows that never existed

Today, much like its predecessors, One Shall Rise is looked back on fondly by Transformers fans, some fans calling One Shall Rise the best movie in the Micheal Bay series.
Which isn't saying very much, speaking as a TF fan who's been following since the original comics run.

The failure of One Shall Rise would push its director, Micheal Bay, into retirement.
Praise the Lord, thanks be to God.
 

CalBear

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(Disclaimer: The following is a fictional and graphic description of an unsettling hentai. Like before, I do not endorse any of this and none of this should even be attempted in real life. If you think otherwise, go directly to jail. Also, I'd like to apologize in advance to any Brazilian users who might be offended from reading this. This is not an attack on your culture or your country. It's just a fun post that pushes the envelope and fits with this thread's theme. I still might be kicked for this, but I think its worth it. You've been warned.)

Kānibarukyūtīzu to Akuma no Shōnen (Japanese: カーニバルキューティーズと悪魔の少年) (2024)

Kānibarukyūtīzu to Akuma no Shōnen (Or Carnival Girls and the Demon Boy in English) is a Japanese hentai series produced by Mary Jane (it's the last one, I promise). The series is a sequel to Gakkō no Kyūtīzu, which is both a Japanese retelling of the controversial French film Mignonnes (Or Cuties in English) and serves as a sequel to the taboo hentai Shoujo Ramune. But this time, the story takes place in Rio de Janeiro during the annual festival Carnaval. And it features a Brazilian mythological character as the titular 'Demon Boy': Romaozinho, who's an evil boy cursed with eternal youth and immortality. The series was made to celebrate the close relationship between Japan and Brazil, and to highlight the Japanese diaspora in Brazil (at least they're trying). It only consists of 2 episodes and it was preceded by a 2023 computer game of the same name, produced by Tanuki Soft.

Episode 1 starts with Sayama Yuuko and her daughters Chie and Ayako (adopted), along with their friends Adachi Tenka and Komako Semenovich, aboard a flight to Rio de Janeiro. They're going to visit Sayama Mako, Yuuko's mother and Chie's grandmother, during the annual festival Carnaval. As soon as they get past security and customs, they are graciously greeted by Mako and she warmly meets her new granddaughter Ayako for the first time. They then take the bus to the Rocinha favela, and they arrive to Mako's humble but spacious residence. Yuuko, wanting to spend some quality time with her mother, allows the kids to explore the favela until dinner time (what could go wrong?).

The 4 girls go out and spend time sightseeing and buying street food, all while relying on Chie's broken Portuguese to interact with the locals. Yuuko had given Chie and Ayako 600 Real (Brazilian currency) to split between them and their friends for 6 days. But that means that they can only spend 100 Real per day between the 4 of them, which disheartens Chie greatly. That's when they bump into a Brazilian otaku boy named Gabriel, who recognizes them from a viral video of them performing when they were still a dance club. He professes his love for Japanese culture and he can even speak basic Japanese, so he communicate with all of them clearly. Gabriel explains that he's a talented and aspiring artist makes a lot of money making commissioned risque fanarts of anime and western cartoon characters. And he'll give them all 400 Real if they performed for him in his home, even suggesting that he'll 'tip' them if they do a great job. After a brief discussion, the girls accept his offer (this is where it starts to get messy, folks).

They arrive at Gabriel's house and he explains his parents are away in Salvador for a long overdue second honeymoon, so he has the whole place for himself for the festival's duration. After he graciously lets them eat some of his snacks, they begin to perform an audacious dance for him (it goes downhill from here). But midway through the performance, Gabriel can't restrain himself anymore and he starts to caressing Ayako's body (told you so). The girls are taken aback by this, but Gabriel pleads with them to let him lose his virginity with him. He says that he'll give them an extra 800 Real, on top of the 400 he already owes them, if they get intimate with him.

Tenka, Komako and Ayako are very reluctant at first, but Chie tells them that it could be the perfect opportunity to discreetly raise their budget so they can buy more food and souvenirs while in Brazil. Additionally, she says that Gabriel has been very accommodating for them thus far and so they should give him a reward. The others relent and they all spend the afternoon with each of them doing a multitude of sex acts with a boy they've just met (it's a hentai for a reason). After its over, Gabriel wholeheartedly thanks them and even gives them a tip of 200 extra Real for the great service. So the 4 girls earned a total of 1400 Real from Gabriel, on top of the 600 given to them by Yuuko. Exhausted but happy, they tell Gabriel that they'll be seeing him regularly throughout their time in Rio de Janeiro, which makes him elated (he's going to be important later). The girls return to Mako's residence just in time for dinner, and she asks them how was their day. They merely respond with they've had an 'enlightening' experience. Yuuko tells them once they finish dinner, they should get themselves cleaned and then get some rest, because Carnaval is tomorrow (but this night will be anything but ordinary for these girls).

The girls then wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of broken glass. Someone had broken into Mako's house and stolen her precious necklace. Yuuko wants to call the police, but Mako tells her that its better to wait until morning. The elder woman suspects that Romaozinho must be the culprit (the titular 'Demon Boy'). The girls ask who he is, and she explains his backstory and his devious personality. Yuuko dismisses him as a myth, but agrees to wait until morning. When the girls go back to bed, Chie is convinced that Romaozinho is real and they have to get the necklace back. Tenka and Ayako aren't convinced, but Komako decides to investigate for herself by opening the window and quietly stepping out of the house. The other girls follow her and they discover broken glass from the bathroom window, along with a faint trail of blood. The small footprints indicate that it was most likely another kid, yet they can't determine if its Romaozinho or not. They decide to follow the trail into the wilderness.

Episode 2 begins with the girls going into the wilderness and they catch up with the culprit and find out that he is indeed a demon boy. Chie, using her broken Portuguese, demands to know who he is and that he gives back the necklace. The boy tells them that his name is Romaozinho and that they'll have to take back from them. He's too injured and fatigued to run further, but he has more than enough power to resist them. The girls then talk among themselves and they come up with a strategy. Chie explains to him that the necklace belongs to her grandmother, and that she told them about what happened to him. She elaborates that they empathize with him and will help him cope if he gives back the necklace.

Romaozinho then mournfully tells them that he does regret his actions often, but he is cursed to remain this way unless he finds a way to collect enough mana to 'become a man'. And he can't achieve that by forcing himself onto a mortal being (he might be evil, but even he's firmly against rape). Chie then tells them that they can help him become a man, but he retorts by saying that he's not allowed to take a mortal's virginity either. But much to his shock, she explains that none of them are virgins and that they'll give him the mana he needs to reach to reach adulthood. He still isn't certain, but he decides to allow them to try. The rest of the night consists of the girls stripping down their pajamas and seducing him, before using their 'experience' to arouse him and generate tons of mana for him via intercourse (tame compared to Gakkō no Kyūtīzu, but that's not saying much).

Dawn has arrived, and the girls are completely worn out. Romaozinho, meanwhile, is coursing with mana and he then transforms into a older version of himself. He may still be an immortal demon, but he has finally become a man (and a morally grey one rather than an evil one). He warmly thanks the girls for their help and he gives them back the necklace, along with his leftover mana so that they are now thoroughly awake. As Romaozinho departs further into the wilderness, the girls redress themselves and they wonder how they're supposed to get home. But that's when Gabriel finds them, explaining that he heard a commotion last night and that he saw them heading into the wilderness, so he decided to look for them when they hadn't come back in a while. They explain the situation to him and they wonder how they're going to explain all of this to Yuuko and Mako, but Gabriel knows what to do (told you he would be important later).

They all walk back to Mako's residence and the girls sneak back into their bedroom through the open window, with Yuuko and Mako being none the wiser. Gabriel then knocks on the front door and explains to both Yuuko and Mako that he heard a window breaking last night and he discovered a 'mysterious boy' holding a necklace, so he fought the boy to take it back and give it to its rightful owner. They both thank him graciously, with Mako sweetly reminding Yuuko of the value of patience. They allow him to have breakfast with them and 'introduces' him to the girls (yet they are already well acquainted with him). He offers to help the girls celebrate Carnaval, which they happily accept.

We then see a long montage of the girls celebrating 'Carnaval' by dancing at the festival, helping themselves to plenty of street food, trying out a variety of provocative dresses for Gabriel, letting him take pictures in those dresses, and also performing lewd acts with him regularly (of course there's a catch to it). On the day of their departure, they visit Gabriel one last time and he thanks them for all the time they've spent together. He then gives them one final gift: 5 pieces of lewd and free fanart featuring them (one for each of the girls individually, and the final one showing all of them together). The girls thank him back and Chie, in more advanced Portuguese, sweetly flirts with Gabriel and tells him that she'll be seeing him again the next time she comes to Brazil, so he better be ready to have plenty of 'yogurt' waiting for her (it's a reference to the original Shoujo Ramune). The girls then go back to Mako's residence and warmly embrace her before departing with Yuuko back to the airport via a bus. As they are flying back to Japan and Yuuko is napping with her earphones on, the girls quietly talk with each other about the eventual experience they've had, and they vow to explore more of the world when they grow up.

Kānibarukyūtīzu to Akuma no Shōnen was received much more favorably, in comparison to Gakkō no Kyūtīzu, among the hentai community. They appreciated the story being vastly more lighthearted, the animation finding a way to be even better than before, and relying on its own elements rather than copy anything from the reviled film Cuties. In Brazil, the reception of the hentai was considerably more mixed. Brazilian conservatives would lambast it as 'smut' and accuse Mary Jane of promoting 'pedophilia' and 'underage prostitution', which they claimed would damage Brazil's image and tourism industry. However, the general consensus of the average Brazilian (of those who even bothered to hear about) was that it was a taboo piece of pornography that didn't really hurt Brazil's image and that was actually respectful of the Brazilian culture, especially in comparison to The Simpsons Season 13, Episode 5: Blame It on Lisa (now that ruffled the feathers of the Brazilian government and the populace). Now, it certainly wasn't an endorsement of the hentai, but it wasn't an outright condemnation either. But it ultimately inspire the Brazilian government to take a more firm effort of stamping out underage prostitution throughout the country (well, some good did manage to come from this).

Overall, Kānibarukyūtīzu to Akuma no Shōnen is considered by just about everyone as an improvement over Gakkō no Kyūtīzu, and its considered to be a fitting ending to the Shoujo Ramune trilogy by the average hentai consumer. But though it is tamer than its predecessor, it is still considered to be a pretty taboo hentai and is avoided by many for obvious reasons. In fact, the entire trilogy is considered to be taboo in the eyes of the general public, though Gakkō no Kyūtīzu is easily considered the most notorious one.

(This sequel has been on my mind for a while, and I finally had the chance to write it down. It's all over now. Hopefully this one is more tame than the last one. Peace out!)
What the actual fuck did I just read?

I figure, best case, I'll be dead by 2050. If you post anything like this on the Board again before 2051, you are a memory.
 

TheSpectacledCloth

Gone Fishin'
What the actual fuck did I just read?

I figure, best case, I'll be dead by 2050. If you post anything like this on the Board again before 2051, you are a memory.
My apologies, sir. i did not intend any harm from this.

Although, I have felt that I've outgrown this board for a while.

Therefore, I would like to request that my account get deleted/banned.

It's been a pleasure posting on this board, but now I feel that it's time to move on.

Thank you for everything sir, and I wish you and this board the best of luck.
 
What the actual fuck did I just read?

I figure, best case, I'll be dead by 2050. If you post anything like this on the Board again before 2051, you are a memory.
My apologies, sir. i did not intend any harm from this.

Although, I have felt that I've outgrown this board for a while.

Therefore, I would like to request that my account get deleted/banned.

It's been a pleasure posting on this board, but now I feel that it's time to move on.

Thank you for everything sir, and I wish you and this board the best of luck.
oh wow................
 
Not to be rude, but was this generated by ChatGPT?

I would argue that the early 2000s were a less censor-happy time than 1990, which explains why so many people got upset about depicting Adolf Hitler in a comedic situation.

Then again, The Producers came out in 1967, so I guess it’s a matter of how the material is handled (laughing with victims of the Holocaust, not at victims of the Holocaust).
Could Hogan Heros, be seen as trivializing not just the NSDAP but the war in General?
 
Robert Zemeckis's Nutcracker (2011)

and I thought the one with the Rat Nazis was bad.

Following the release of a Christmas Carol in 2009, Imagemovers Digital made an adaptation of ETA Hoffmann's The Nutcracker and the Mouse King as well obviously the Tchaikovsky Ballet of the same name, it follows strangely follows the original story by Hoffmann rather faithfully, everything else well..... it's a can of worms

The movie recieved rather middling reviews as most praise the ballet sequences but everything else received criticism like the rather scary scenes and unintentionally uncanny valley from its titular main character as well as the human characters and the fact that even though it's faithful to the original story every change to its story feels more like padding as well questionable at best and safe to say it didn't do well at the box office either but not a bomb by any means

And the following year's Yellow Submarine remake didn't do them any favours
 
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Robert Zemeckis's Nutcracker (2011)

and I thought the one with the Rat Nazis was bad.

Following the release of a Christmas Carol in 2009, Imagemovers Digital made an adaptation of ETA Hoffmann's The Nutcracker and the Mouse King as well obviously the Tchaikovsky Ballet of the same name, it follows strangely follows the original story by Hoffmann rather faithfully, everything else well..... it's a can of worms

The movie recieved rather middling reviews as most praise the ballet sequences but everything else received criticism like the rather scary scenes and unintentionally uncanny valley from its titular main character as well as the human characters and the fact that even though it's faithful to the original story every change to its story feels more like padding as well questionable at best and safe to say it didn't do well at the box office either but not a bomb by any means

And the following year's Yellow Submarine remake didn't do them any favours
I did hear about Imagemovers Digital wanting to adapt The Nutcracker sometime in the early 2010s. However, after Mars Needs Moms bombed critically and financially, those plans got scrapped.

The Yellow Submarine remake that was planned on being released in 2012 in time for the Summer Olympic Games in London was also cancelled.

I assume that in your scenario that the Yellow Submarine remakes doesn't do that well, right?

 
I did hear about Imagemovers Digital wanting to adapt The Nutcracker sometime in the early 2010s. However, after Mars Needs Moms bombed critically and financially, those plans got scrapped.

The Yellow Submarine remake that was planned on being released in 2012 in time for the Summer Olympic Games in London was also cancelled.

I assume that in your scenario that the Yellow Submarine remakes doesn't do that well, right?

Another thing I would like to add is that I have a pretty mixed opinion about what could have been of the cancelled Yellow Submarine remake

On one hand, the film could reintroduce The Beatles to a younger audience. One the other hand though, I'm not sure if the creepy nightmare fuel looking esthetic would blend well with the 1960s phychedelic theme and if the film turned out to be crap, it might tarnish The Beatles reputation.
 

THE KINGFISH

Gone Fishin'
I did hear about Imagemovers Digital wanting to adapt The Nutcracker sometime in the early 2010s. However, after Mars Needs Moms bombed critically and financially, those plans got scrapped.

The Yellow Submarine remake that was planned on being released in 2012 in time for the Summer Olympic Games in London was also cancelled.

I assume that in your scenario that the Yellow Submarine remakes doesn't do that well, right?

If that Yellow Submarine movie ever saw the light of day, you can bet the “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” segment will look like found footage from the seventh layer of Hell.
 
I did hear about Imagemovers Digital wanting to adapt The Nutcracker sometime in the early 2010s. However, after Mars Needs Moms bombed critically and financially, those plans got scrapped.

The Yellow Submarine remake that was planned on being released in 2012 in time for the Summer Olympic Games in London was also cancelled.

I assume that in your scenario that the Yellow Submarine remakes doesn't do that well, right?

Box office wise it won't do so well

As for reviews, it was mixed to negative with some praising the songs and introducing the Beatles to a new generation but... alot of criticisms were directly towards the nightmarish imagery and elements as well as the uncanny valley designs too as well some feeling it couldn't hold a candle to the original film
 
If that Yellow Submarine movie ever saw the light of day, you can bet the “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” segment will look like found footage from the seventh layer of Hell.

Box office wise it won't do so well

As for reviews, it was mixed to negative with some praising the songs and introducing the Beatles to a new generation but... alot of criticisms were directly towards the nightmarish imagery and elements as well as the uncanny valley designs too as well some feeling it couldn't hold a candle to the original film
Makes sense to me! That's how I figured the reputation of the Yellow Submarine remake would have gone.

At least it would be a bit better than Mars Needs Moms, though.
 
Harry Potter and The Cursed Child (2020)
The theatrical movie adaptation of the already divisive stage play does nothing to fix any of the problems people had with the stage play. The plot involves a Mary Sue named Delphini traveling back in time to save Cedric Diggory, creating an alternate future where Voldemort won. The film won Worst Sequel and Worst Actress at the Razzies.
 
Stabbed in the Butt (2013)

This short lived game show that involved contestants answering questions. If someone got a question wrong, they would get stabbed in the butt with knifes or a sword by criminals let out of prison to do "community service". The host would also send the criminals after the contestant if they ran away.

Needless to say, the show did not last very long.
 
Stabbed in the Butt (2013)

This short lived game show that involved contestants answering questions. If someone got a question wrong, they would get stabbed in the butt with knifes or a sword by criminals let out of prison to do "community service". The host would also send the criminals after the contestant if they ran away.

Needless to say, the show did not last very long.
What the hell kind of show is this?
 
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