The “Magnificent Age” - Catherine II TL

29. The war. #6. Still 1771
29. The war. #6. Still 1771
“The Habsburgs now have a man, and she is a woman…”
Frederick II
While other nations do battle, you lucky Austria, you wed.
Maria Theresa
“I do not need your consent for doing good.”
“Let my epitaph be, "Here lies Joseph, who failed in everything he undertook."”

Joseph II
“That was very good of him.”
Wenzel Anton Prince Fürst von Kaunitz-Rietberg when told about the death of Joseph II
“Austria will never give up either its position or its rights in favor of any political system originating outside its borders.”
“Every state is sovereign in its own sphere.”
“In politics, it is necessary to combine the goal with the means and not to forget the means while pursuing the goal.”
“Nationalism is the megalomania of small nations.”
“Chaos is the result of weaknesses.”

Klemens von Metternich
In that case nobody will get you!
from as old tragedy
I’m serving all my allies the Austrian style.”
from an old verse​


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Austria. The year of 1770, with the Russian victories on the land and sea, was quite troublesome for the Austrian interests, as being seen by Joseph II, Maria Theresa and von Kaunitz.
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The Russian troops had been presently occupying Moldavia and Walachia, the territories which the Hapsburgs would like to occupy themselves. Well, of course if they somehow managed to beat the Ottomans. And because this precondition was not realistic, the important task was not let Russia to get these regions and, as a compensation, to get some piece of the Ottoman territory, no matter how small and valueless. And, speaking of getting something, it would be desirable to get some valuable piece of the PLC.
Of course, all that had to be accomplished without going to war with Russia, just by a mere demonstration of what could pass for the Austrian military muscle, which would be meaningful if the Russians are fully engaged against the Ottomans and in the PLC . To implement this stratagem, in 1771 Austria signed military alliance with the Ottomans by which:
  • Austria paid the Ottomans subsidies;
  • Austria promised unsubstantiated support to the Ottomans against Russia;
  • Austria maintained increased military presence on its border with Moldavia and Wallachia;
  • Austria got Bukovina District from the Ottomans (on the map above it is a small pimple on the left, to the east from Galicia and Transylvania. Its population was approximately 75,000, predominantly the Orthodox Christians, Ruthenians (Ukrainians) and Wallachians (Romanians) and overwhelmingly agricultural. Not a big acquisition but, OTOH, the services granted also did not amount for too much.
Insignificant as it may look, this treaty was just a pivotal part of a plan to get, with a minimal effort and risk, a much greater prize: Polish Galicia. It was quite logical. As “everybody knew”, maintenance of the PLCs territorial integrity was one of the cornerstones of the Russian foreign policy defined by Panin’s “Northern System” but being stuck in the endless war with the Ottomans Russia would not be able to resist a joined Austro-Prussian effort to partition the PLC. On its side, the Austrian government was ready, as a compensation, to abandon its Ottoman ally if agreement with Russia is going to be achieved.

Prussia. After the 7YW Frederick became more restrained in his methods but not in his desires. He did not want participate in a war against the Ottoman Empire for which he was going to be “rewarded” with Warmia, about which he commented that “it is not worthy of an effort” but he wanted a much bigger piece of the Polish territory without going to any war. His desire was the Polish Prussia and he was “generously” agreeing to the exclusion of Danzig. Indeed, why bother if possession of the Vistula would give him control of the Polish trade? Warmia would be just an insignificant part of a deal.
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After the years of the letters exchange and diplomatic dances leading nowhere, he decided to achieve his goal by sending to St. Petersburg a “heavy artillery”, his brother Prince Henry of Prussia. Besides his high position, Prince Henry had a high reputation as a talented military commander and quite intelligent person. He came to the Russian capital preparing himself to a charm offensive in what was going to be an uphill battle but, to his great surprise, he found that, except for the “Panin’s faction”, the Russian Cabinet and, most important, Catherine herself, are quite willing to listen and accept what would amount to the “reasonable proposals” regarding cutting off the pieces of the PLC territory. Panin kept blabbing but it became absolutely clear that his opinions on the subject will not be listened to: Catherine was clearly in charge and the decisions would be her own. Panin’s role would be limited to the technicalities.

The main issue was Austrian-Ottoman alliance and resulting Austrian attempts to blackmail Russian Empire, which are not going to be tolerated. If the King of Prussia uses his newly-found friendship with Emperor Joseph to convince him to stop meddling into the Russian-Ottoman affairs, then the Austrian concerns could be addressed in a mutually agreeable manner. The rest, namely the specifics of who is going to get what, at the Polish expense, are not going to be a problem if all interesting parties will behave rationally.

With these cheerful news Prince Henry left for Prussia.

Russia. Catherine never liked to make the rash decisions so it took her a while but by 1771 she came to a firm conclusion that continuation of the “Northern System” in its Polish part does not make any sense. Russian Empire had been spending a lot of money and engaging considerable number of troops to maintain its status of the protector of Polish territorial integrity and “constitution” getting in exchange only hatred. And not only from the confederates but also from King Stanislaw-August whom these confederates wanted to either assassinate or at least depose. Why bother with the people who were ready to promise a big chunk of their territory to the Ottoman Empire as a compensation for helping to remove the protection clause and had plans, with the Ottoman help to invade Russian territory and capture Smolensk and other cities on the Russian Western border? And why bother with supporting the king who reneged on all his promises and refused to do anything against these confederates? Even worse, it was reported that the landowners of the Southern voyevodships were encouraged by him not to provide supplies to the Russian 1st Army.

It was a good time to abandon the obviously wrong course and to take advantage of the emerging opportunities but this should not look like Catherine is caving to the Austrian and Prussian pressure. Austrian bluff with concentrating troops on the Moldavian and Wallachian borders must be called.

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The order was sent to the Russian troops engaged against the confederates to stop their activities and march to the area of the Kiev, Wolynia, Podolia and Braclaw voyevodships. They would have to be completely cleansed of any sight of the confederates and their supporters and the occupation force must not let either Polish or Austrian troops into that territory. So far, these troops had been arranged into three independent corps units operating in various parts of the PLC. They were now forming a new army, approximately 35,000 strong under command of lieutenant-general Alexander Bibikov, promoted into full general. Taking into an account the size of a territory, he was going to get up to 5,000 reinforcements, mostly the troops held as the garrisons in the main Russian towns which become available after the regular police force was created.

The Bibikov’s army was expected to be adequate for preventing the Austrians from being adventurous beyond the “reasonable limits”. The areas occupied were not (as far as Prince Henry knew) within the Austrian definition of these limits and the most encouraging was a report that Emperor Joseph II ordered to make carriages for travel to his troops on a border: there was a good reason to assume that his personal presence and direct involvement will create enough of a mess to prevent any aggressive Austrian actions against the Russian troops.

However, because in the new situation the serious military activities were rather unlikely, some of the officers were permitted to join the 1st Army where, as a result of the diseases and active fighting, was a clear shortage in the experienced commanders. The highest in rank among them was major-general Alexander Suvorov who started campaign in the PLC as a colonel and was speedily promoted due to his obvious military talent and outstanding energy.

With Prussians acting as the intermediaries, the touchy issue of the Danubian Principalities was addressed. Catherine did not plan to annex them (or at least not the territories to the West of the Prut River), which removed the main Austrian fear. A condition that the Russian approval would be needed for appointing the rulers of Moldavia and Walachia was a little bit itchy but it was acceptable. However, there was one more aspect of the problem: during his operations in the region Rumyantsev was promising Russian protection to the locals to get their cooperation. Leaving them at the Ottomans mercy would be shameful but having the Russian-approved rulers would, supposedly, resolve that problem. Besides, the big numbers of the locals had been already moved to Bessarabia, an area between the Dniester and Prut abandoned by the Edisan Horde, which, upon its request, had been moving back to its old habitat on the Northern shore of the Sea of Azov.

The slices of the Polish pie had been defined. Each participant got his/her piece and even before the Polish government was informed about rearrangement of the PLC borders, the Austrian and Prussian troops entered its territory. Which immediately created a very interesting problem for the Hapsburgs: their dear ally, Louis XV, sent few French officers to train the confederate troops and it just happened that their main area of activities was in the Krakow voyewodship, part of which Joseph was planning to appropriate together with Galicia. Of course, the Austrians, being the Catholics and “civilized”, had been immeasurably better than the Russian schismatics and they were even encouraging the Bar confederates by providing them with a safe heaven, but they were adamantly against any action against Stanislaw-August personally and for Pulaski and his friends this was a big problem. Potentially, for the Prussians as well because their piece of the pie was close to the Yasna Gora, Pulaski’s base of the operations. The French also had been in a rather confusing situation but this was not Catherine’s problem.

As a gesture of a good will Catherine, declared that, due to the clearly expressed wish of the “Polish people”, she voluntarily eliminates the clause of the Russian protection adopted by the last Sejm. From now on the dear Poles are completely free to do whatever they want. Only ignorance of Japanese language prevented her from ending the declaration with “sayonara”.

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Attachment PLC map
To make more clear which territories we are talking about, below is pre-partition administrative map of the PLC (it took a while to find an informative map, which fits to the size accepted by the spirit inhabiting my ipad 👹) and I’m not risking trying to add it to the chapter: the spirit destroyed the text twice before I managed to finish. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Partitions of Poland - Wikipedia
Partitions of Poland - Wikipedia
 
Finally Panin has been sidelined fully and his Polish policy abandoned, hopefully for now that will be enough to satisfy the Austrians and Prussians
 
Nah I'm with Panin on this one
Everyone should be kept as a puppet state and Austria & Prussia should be destroyed!
 
Nah I'm with Panin on this one
Everyone should be kept as a puppet state and Austria & Prussia should be destroyed!
You are such a blood-thirsty girl that I start having the second thoughts [1] about letting you to colonize India. Chances are that you are going to be “cruel and unusual” to the poor natives forcing all of them, regardless gender, age, religious affiliation and general bodily configuration, to wear string bikinis (and nothing but string bikinis) and eat feijoada 3 times per day….. OTOH, why would I care?

You also have a free hand with Prussia but in Austria they are making too good pastries to let demon of destruction like you to have a free hand.
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Well, you can destroy all sites related to “The sounds of music” near Salzburg, if you wish.
_______
[1] Presumably, this implies that I initially had some other thoughts on the subject, which is not the case: I did not have any thoughts whatsoever. So this is just a form of speech.

😜
 
30. The war. #6. Inside of the very long year 1771.
30. The war. #6. Inside of the very long year 1771.
“And how such a bizarrely created state could last so long?”
"If you need to carry out a reform, start by reducing the area of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, because it is the size of the country that is the cause of your misfortunes. Perhaps the neighbors will do you this favor."

Jean-Jacques Rousseau about the PLC
“The Polish social body is a monster made up of heads and stomachs, without arms and legs.”
Charles-François du Périer Dumouriez
"If Russia wants to end the war with great benefits, it would be fair that the Empress Queen and the Prussian King would receive the same amount for their share to maintain the balance between the three powers."
“We don't want to change the Turkish neighborhood to any other, we don't want to give Porta the slightest reason to reproach.”
“Security and self-preservation will be the main subject of our policy, to which we sacrifice all other considerations and visible benefits.”

von Kaunitz
“I consider the Prussian king unchanged in his desire to hide and fish in muddy water.”
You need to think about how to make the least bad choice. I don't need to tell you how to keep this case secret (partition of Poland), because disclosing it will make a terrible impression, especially in France.”
Emperor Joseph II to his brother
“I'm very annoyed that your court decided to refuse everything, and I'm afraid it will make a bad impression on the Russians.”
Frederick II to Austrian ambassador
“"We will not allow Austria to prescribe laws to us."
Panin to von Solms
“I've never signed documents with such pleasure as this one.”
Catherine II

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The year was, indeed, a very long one on more than one account and certain events described in a previous chapter require a little bit of in-depth explanation to make general geopolitical framework more clear.

A package deal. The discussions regarding the PLC and ending the Russian-Ottoman war were not as easy and straightforward as they may look because at the start of a process positions of Austria and Russia hardly were compatible and Frederick as an intermediary was trying to cheat both sides to get what he really wanted, specific piece of the PLC, which was not possible without a strong backing of either Austria or Russia and each of these empires had its own interests:

Austrian “system” was shaped by combination of two main factors, the international prestige and the means only marginally adequate for its maintenance. An additional factor was an absence of an uniform approach to the foreign policy. Maria-Theresa, a ruler of the Hapsburg hereditary lands, was against any political expansionist schema unless it will return Silesia. Emperor Joseph was noticeably more politically aggressive and supported an idea of getting a piece of the PLC (actually, the Hapsburgs already occupied a small border region claiming that in a past it belonged to Hungary). Kaunitz was mostly concerned with maintaining European “balance of power” and in this area he had support of both his monarchs. The cornerstone of that balancing “system” was not to allow strengthening of the Russian Empire, especially at the Ottoman expense. The regional status quo hd to be maintained by all means possible because any weakening of the Ottomans by the Russians was going to produce the terrible results throughout Europe. Not that any of the members of that trio could clearly formulate what exactly these terrible results would amount to and in discussions with the Prussians they stuck to the “literature” rather than the specifics. Especially touchy was the issue of the Danube Principalities, which the Hapsburgs would like to acquire but could not. So the goal was to deny them to Russia, even in the form of the Ottoman vassals in which the rulers are being appointed with the Russian agreement. The same applied to the Tatars issue: what if they would start raiding the Hapsburg possessions?

The Hapsburg idea of an ideal peace was that Prussia is getting a piece of the PLC while returning Silesia to its former owners who will also get a piece of the PLC (Maria Theresa was against that part) while Russia is getting a piece of the PLC but returns to the Ottomans all conquests of the current war, with the Tatars returning to their pre-war territories and status. Russia may be “rewarded” by Azov (which was in its possession since 1739 by the Treaty of Belgrade). Even Frederick was somewhat put aback by this naïveté and tried to explain to his Austrian friends that there is absolutely no reason for the Russians to agree to these conditions. Pretty much the same considerations were expressed by Panin to the Austrian ambassador but with a lot of explanations, which looked as the excuses and was misinterpreted by the Court of Vienna as a sign of the Russian weakness, which can be exploited.

The obvious way to do this was to back up political demands by a show of the military force but this was a risky move because Austria may end up facing Russia and Prussia (after all, they had a military alliance). An attempt to get a comprehensive answer from Frederick about his position in the case of such a conflict rather predictably ended with nothing: the Old Fritz had a lot of experience in not giving clear answers to the questions he did not like.

Maria Theresa was adamantly against war with Russia because the Ottomans attacked it. Joseph was writing to his brother: “I give you to appreciate this reasoning (maternal)! Every day of delay is of great importance; we will finally lose so much time that it will be necessary to allow the Russians to do whatever they want. You can judge how my jealousy of the state good suffers. I can't give up my system; I think it's good and true; I'll either force the Prussian king to act, or at least destroy all his credit at Port. If they decide on a direct war, I will lead it, but I will file a written protest, I will absolve myself of responsibility for all the unfortunate consequences, which, in my opinion, are inevitable. If they decide not to do anything, leaving all the cases, and discover my great weakness, I will be forced to testify to the public that I am innocent.”
Eventually, Maria Theresa agreed to having 50-60,000 troops being prepared in Hungary and starting the diplomatic talks with the Porte about an alliance and compensation for it. The Ottomans had been quite happy, agreeing to give up Bukowina (the law was forbidding to give the Muslim lands to the infidels but this territory did not have the Muslim population). But Austrian request for 34,000,000 guldens was a much more difficult issue for a cash-strapped Ottoman Empire so the Sultan agreed to pay 10,125,500 immediately and the rest in future installments. In exchange the Ottomans demanded a peace by which they would not loose anything. After some bargaining it was agreed upon that this would be either peace on a basis of Treaty of Belgrade or something different but easily acceptable for the Ottomans.

Frederick’s “system”. For delivering on such promises the Austrians needed to have Frederick on board but he was too smart for the Austrian diplomacy to be easily cheated. He clearly understood advantage of his position: Russia threatened by Austria will stick to the alliance with him agreeing to the extension of his piece of the Polish pie and moderating its demands toward the Ottomans; there would be no war because Austria after some arguing will capitulate, take its share of Poland and abandon its senseless requests that Russia should make a peace without any gain.

He tried to communicate the last part to the Austrian Ambassador but got the meaningless blabbing “Strength of a peace will depend exclusively upon preserving a balance on the East and from that balance will depend future security of our and your monarchies, which interests are united in this issue.” Emperor Joseph also was thinking along the same lines: “If our court once allows itself hostile actions against the Porta, Russia will be able to easily implement its terrible conquest plans and achieve such advantages, compared to which the acquisition of Moldova and Wallachia can be considered nothing, on the contrary, can be considered a true loss and the first main stone for future submission.” The cornerstone of the Austrian “system” was preserving status quo even at the cost of abandoning possible gains even if a possibility of such games was extremely tempting.

Frederick could not care less about the “balance” on the wrong side of Europe but it looked as the whole situation was a “package deal” and to convince the Russians to moderate their requirements to the Ottomans was a way to get what he wanted. So he was trying to put some pressure on his Russian allies by scaring them with a possibility of a HRE army of over 100,000 plus 25,000 French while pleading an extreme shortage of money which would not allow him to defend his HRE possessions in the case of war. Of course, nobody was going to believe this moaning but the point was to show that he should be seriously counted upon if push comes to shove.

Russian … er … something. A confusing fact for both Prussian and Austrian diplomats was that they could not figure out what was the Russian “system”: depending upon with whom they were talking and even when the conversation took place they were getting the different signals about the Russian intentions. Even Panin himself was switching on almost daily basis between sympathy to the bizarre Austrian demands and some equally extravagant demands of his own with anything in between, which put the foreign ambassadors into a state of extreme frustration. The only subject in which a seemingly rational discussion was possible was a future fate of the PLC and even there not too much of a substance had been added after visit of Prince Henry: Catherine was sympathetic toward the idea in general but neither she nor her ministers and secretaries had been willing to elaborate upon the specifics using as an excuse the ongoing civic war in the PLC participation in which Russia was speedily minimizing: the PLC is a Christian civilized (more or less) country so you can’t just grab a piece of its territory; sooner rather than later you have to get this act ratified by the Sejm and how are you going to call it in a present situation? Russian Empire presently occupied with more important business and is not planning to interfere into the PLC domestic affairs until there is a peace with the Ottomans. Definitely, not on the Austrian and Prussian behalf.

And to discuss the Russian-Ottoman affairs was even more difficult task because the attempts to bring up that issue with Panin was resulting in the prolonged speeches filled with the countless details of geography, ethnography, historical background and many other quite interesting things which, unfortunately, did not led anywhere.

Not being accustomed to the simple ways of thinking or familiar with novacula Occami the recipients of that flow of the verbal garbage had been at loss regarding the Russian “system” and Catherine’s intentions. Which were, actually, very straightforward: to keep both Prussia and Austria out of the Russian - Ottoman business. It was obvious that neither of them will be of any help so why should they be allowed into the picture? Another obvious thing was that the only way to get a favorable peace with the Ottomans was to push them to a brink of a collapse or at least to scare them to death. And this meant a need of the decisive strategic activities on the land and sea.

In a meantime Catherine and her ministers were quite nice to the …er… “friends”, neither obstructing nor helping their first activities in Poland. And, with the removal of the Russian troops the PLC was in flames….


Preparations.
The year had been spent on strengthening the 1st and 2nd armies and now size of the 3rd, Bibikov’s, Army had been increased to 50,000 allowing it to act either in a direct support of the 1st Army or to cover its flank against potential Austrian attack. The last option did not look too likely because Joseph’s 60,000 strong army was extremely slow to materialize even with the Ottoman subsidies. Close to 30,000 would be more realistic estimate and, true to its trusted and regularly failed cordon strategy, these troops were spread in the small units along the long front and could be beaten piecemeal by a concentrated numerically superior force.

Rumyantsev finally got both the numbers and supplies he had been asking for, the ships needed for crossing the Danube, carrying supplies and coastal operations, were either captured or built, the troops were rigorously trained and full of enthusiasm. Fieldmarshal was ready to surpass his glorious actions of the 1770.
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The Azov flotilla built by admiral Senyavin finally was operational. Of course, it was grossly inferior to the Ottoman Black Sea Fleet but its crews had been well-trained and, with the main task being protection of the Crimea coast, their small size and almost flat bottoms provided certain advantages.
Граф Орлов создает Великое архипелагское княжество под ...


The Mediterranean expedition had been strengthened by arrival of the 3rd Squadron of 3 ships of the line and 13 transports with 2,000 troops and the 4th Squadron of 3 ships of the line already entered the Mediterranean closely followed by the 5th of 4 ships of the line and 2 frigates. During 1770 and 1771 the fleet was strengthened by 20 frigates purchased or converted from the captured vessels. Orlov even managed to get ransom for Beirut twice and to scare the European merchants at Smirna.
Of course, not everything went smooth. Elphinstone, who after the Chesma was assigned with his squadron to establish blockade of the Dardanelles, run his flagship aground by not listening to the pilot. An attempt to release the ship failed so it was lost and blockade did not happen. Spiridov was raiding the coasts of Anatolia destroying the Ottoman magazines and intercepting the merchant ships going to Constantinople with the food supplies. The Ottoman capital started suffering from the food shortages and it was decided that the main task for the 1772 will be a close blockade of the Dardanelles.
Elphinstone was relieved of his command and sent to St. Petersburg where, before returning to Britain, he spent some time explaining how good he was and how bad were his Russian colleagues. Catherine was not amused but he got the agreed upon pay.

Comic relief.
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On the night of 2 to 3 November 1771, King Stanisław August Poniatowski, the last monarch of Poland, was attempted to be kidnapped by the Bar Confederates. The aim of this plot was to force the king to adopt an anti-Russian stance or to influence his abdication.​


Cavalry Captain Stanislaw Strawinski, the chief of this daring plot, observed the rhythm of the King’s day for many weeks, looking for weaknesses in his protection. Working with Casimir Pulaski and Valentin Lukawski, Strawinski convinced the Confederate authorities that a kidnapping was possible. They chose Jasna Góra as the place where the king would be held, due to its symbolic importance and the difficulty of capture by Russian forces.

On the appointed evening, the royal carriage was stopped on one of Warsaw’s bridges by an armed detachment of confederates. Shots were fired between the confederates and the king’s bodyguards. In the chaos, the king attempted to escape on foot, but was quickly captured. Despite initial success, the plan began to fall apart as the confederates began to retreat due to the unexpected resistance of the royal forces and the lack of coordination of the whole action (what a surprise). During their escape from Warsaw, most of the confederates deserted the king, leaving him in the care of Jan Kuzma. Perhaps due to internal doubts or persuasion by the king, Kuzma decided not to deliver the monarch to the confederates, but instead drove him back to Warsaw.

The kidnapping had enormous consequences for Poland. The king and his court used the event to portray the confederates as traitors and regicide, causing them to be condemned in Europe. At home, too, their reputation was tarnished, further weakening their position.

The kidnappers (who were defended by the kidnapped himself) were sentenced to death in 1773, but as many as 27 of the men involved in the kidnapping were not captured. Kuzma, who had betrayed the confederates, was sentenced to banishment. He left the country and settled in the State of the Church, where he lived off money sent to him by Poniatowski.

Łukawski and Cybulski were tried by the Sejm as regicides and were sentenced to death, despite the King's pleas to spare their lives (in the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth, the king had no right of clemency for those sentenced by the Sejm). Łukawski was executed publicly in Warsaw on 10 September 1773. He was beheaded, quartered and burned in the presence of twenty thousand people.
 
“And how such a bizarrely created state could last so long?”
I ask myself that every day
Oh wait you're talking about Poland
"If you need to carry out a reform, start by reducing the area of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, because it is the size of the country that is the cause of your misfortunes. Perhaps the neighbors will do you this favor."
What are you talking about, the size is awesome!
If you want something truly gnormous look at Russia right there!
Jean-Jacques Rousseau about the PLC
Of course it was he who said it
We must do the exact opposite
"If Russia wants to end the war with great benefits, it would be fair that the Empress Queen and the Prussian King would receive the same amount for their share to maintain the balance between the three powers."
Yeah, nothing!
“I consider the Prussian king unchanged in his desire to hide and fish in muddy water.”
Me too
Fishing in muddy water is the best thing
I already miss it
because disclosing it will make a terrible impression, especially in France.”
Emperor Joseph II to his brother
France:
REEEEEEEE

Give them a second corsican and they'll be fine
“I'm very annoyed that your court decided to refuse everything, and I'm afraid it will make a bad impression on the Russians.”
Frederick II to Austrian ambassador
Its alright, if Russia tries to invade you can just refuse that too
"We will not allow Austria to prescribe laws to us."
Panin to von Solms
Even if they're artists?
“I've never signed documents with such pleasure as this one.”
Catherine II
Why, did you sign it on a horse?
In a meantime Catherine and her ministers were quite nice to the …er… “friends”, neither obstructing nor helping their first activities in Poland
You can always count on her friendship

Negative numbers are important too
Elphinstone was relieved of his command and sent to St. Petersburg where, before returning to Britain, he spent some time explaining how good he was and how bad were his Russian colleagues. Catherine was not amused
Only because she's not the Queen of Britain

Which is objectively the cooler position
On the night of 2 to 3 November 1771, King Stanisław August Poniatowski, the last monarch of Poland, was attempted to be kidnapped by the Bar Confederates.
What are these americans doing there

Make Poland the 51th state maybe?
The aim of this plot was to force the king to adopt an anti-Russian stance
More than the normal?
The kidnappers (who were defended by the kidnapped himself)
Someone tell him that the capital of his kingdom is not Stockhold
were sentenced to death in 1773,
And once again things are made worse by Poland not being a absolute monarchy

Weird how that works
Kuzma, who had betrayed the confederates, was sentenced to banishment. He left the country and settled in the State of the Church, where he lived off money sent to him by Poniatowski.
Living the dream
Łukawski and Cybulski were tried by the Sejm as regicides and were sentenced to death, despite the King's pleas to spare their lives (in the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth, the king had no right of clemency for those sentenced by the Sejm).
Bullshit
Łukawski was executed publicly in Warsaw on 10 September 1773. He was beheaded, quartered and burned in the presence of twenty thousand people
They could have thrown rocks or something

Pretty sure 20 thousand stones can decimate any army they could put up

And at the present circumstances I dont think that they could summon any army at all!
 
Of course it was he who said it
We must do the exact opposite
Important note to all SI time travellers: get yourself some pet philosophers for hire
Someone tell him that the capital of his kingdom is not Stockhold
Stockholm. And most of Poland's trouble stems from som of their kings not realizing that. That and not having money independent from Sejm.
 
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