this thread is based on
Hiker killed by mountain goat in Olympic Nat'l. Park
https://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=308075
WI: Hitler killed by mountain goat at Berghof
- Thread starter Stolengood
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this thread is based on
Hiker killed by mountain goat in Olympic Nat'l. Park
https://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=308075
The stories about Hitler and goats were made up by Sefton Delmer's Black Propaganda machine.
Deleted member 70671
They'd need more wackos sacrificed?
I guess interbellum Europe wouldn't exactly be in a shortage of that...
[size=-2]DICTATORS FOR THE HORNED GOD!
TREMENDOUS CONSEQUENCES IN HISTORY FOR THE HIRCINE THRONE![/size]
There should be a comic based on this. And a movie.
And the goat should be voiced by Bobcat Goldthwaite.
And the goat should be voiced by Bobcat Goldthwaite.
I hereby nominate this for "Best TL Spinoff since The Hammershields cartoon."
cubefreak123
Banned
In other news, Stalin slips on some ice while going up a flight of stairs. He fell flat on his face and somehow managed to break his nose and drive it up into his brain, killing him instantly.
The interim Soviet government has declared all stairs and ice to be enemies of the State. Anyone found to be collaborating with either are to be reported immediately.
The interim Soviet government has declared all stairs and ice to be enemies of the State. Anyone found to be collaborating with either are to be reported immediately.
"If you want a vision of the future imagine a boot stamping down on a set of stairs. Forever"
Meanwhile, in the mountains near the Polish-Czechoslovako-Romanian Border...
Karol Wojtyła, football goalie, hiker, skier, and aspiring actor extraordinaire, was spending yet another one of his weekends to get away from the hustle and bustle of Krakow.
Soon, he came across a couple of border guards on patrol, recognizing one of them as his neighbour.
"Stefan!"
"Karol? What are you doing here? Don't you realize I'm on duty right now?"
"Friend of yours, I suppose?" The soldier's partner asked.
"The two of us go back a long time," Stefan replied.
After several minutes of exchanging pleasantries and catching up and the soldiers complaining about their rations, a crackling sound was heard from the soldiers' portable radio. After hearing the message, the three men stood, pondering the news they have just heard.
"Wow, Hitler's dead, huh?" Stefan muttered.
"I'd say their response was a little too extreme!" Wojtyła exclaimed. "No skiing and hiking? That's outrageous!"
"Hey, at least you still have your football and acting," Stefan replied. "Besides, good riddance! With Hitler dead, one less threat to Poland!"
"Be careful what you wish for, Stefan," Wojtyła warned. "Those Nazis may be vicious, but they're probably the only ones keeping the Soviets at bay."
"Well, if that happens, I'm sure France and Britain will help us." The other soldier commented.
"Have you looked at a map recently and seen where the French and the British are compared to the Soviets?" Wojtyła asked. "With the way they've been giving in to Germany's demands so easily, I'd say I'm actually more worried about an invasion now!"
Meanwhile, the men heard bleating rattling through the mountains. They looked, and saw a mountain goat perched a few dozen metres ahead of them.
"Wow, talk about ominous," commented the other soldier.
"C'mon, it's just a mountain goat," Wojtyła said. "I don't think it'll attack three men huddled together."
Suddenly, the goat turned towards the men, and started snorting and bleating away.
"Umm, Karol, I don't like the way that goat is staring at us..."
As they were looking at at the mountain goat, trying to scare it away, a glint of sunlight from a seemingly impossible angle (no thanks to Wojtyła's wristwatch) shone from its eyes, terrifying the three men.
"It's the spawn of Satan!" The third man exclaimed.
The goat then kicked some dirt with its front hoof.
"I don't want to end up like Hitler!" Wojtyła shouted. "Shoot it!"
As the goat continued kicking some dirt, Stefan clumsily tried to grab the rifle hanging behind him, before dropping it.
"Hurry up! It's after us! Strzelaj! Strzelaj! Strzelaj!"
BANG!
The other soldier picked up the dropped rifle, and shot at the goat, killing it instantly. After a few minutes of frantic panic, Wojtyła finally broke the silence.
"Well, you guys mentioned something about your rations not being that wonderful..."
Karol Wojtyła, football goalie, hiker, skier, and aspiring actor extraordinaire, was spending yet another one of his weekends to get away from the hustle and bustle of Krakow.
Soon, he came across a couple of border guards on patrol, recognizing one of them as his neighbour.
"Stefan!"
"Karol? What are you doing here? Don't you realize I'm on duty right now?"
"Friend of yours, I suppose?" The soldier's partner asked.
"The two of us go back a long time," Stefan replied.
After several minutes of exchanging pleasantries and catching up and the soldiers complaining about their rations, a crackling sound was heard from the soldiers' portable radio. After hearing the message, the three men stood, pondering the news they have just heard.
"Wow, Hitler's dead, huh?" Stefan muttered.
"I'd say their response was a little too extreme!" Wojtyła exclaimed. "No skiing and hiking? That's outrageous!"
"Hey, at least you still have your football and acting," Stefan replied. "Besides, good riddance! With Hitler dead, one less threat to Poland!"
"Be careful what you wish for, Stefan," Wojtyła warned. "Those Nazis may be vicious, but they're probably the only ones keeping the Soviets at bay."
"Well, if that happens, I'm sure France and Britain will help us." The other soldier commented.
"Have you looked at a map recently and seen where the French and the British are compared to the Soviets?" Wojtyła asked. "With the way they've been giving in to Germany's demands so easily, I'd say I'm actually more worried about an invasion now!"
Meanwhile, the men heard bleating rattling through the mountains. They looked, and saw a mountain goat perched a few dozen metres ahead of them.
"Wow, talk about ominous," commented the other soldier.
"C'mon, it's just a mountain goat," Wojtyła said. "I don't think it'll attack three men huddled together."
Suddenly, the goat turned towards the men, and started snorting and bleating away.
"Umm, Karol, I don't like the way that goat is staring at us..."
As they were looking at at the mountain goat, trying to scare it away, a glint of sunlight from a seemingly impossible angle (no thanks to Wojtyła's wristwatch) shone from its eyes, terrifying the three men.
"It's the spawn of Satan!" The third man exclaimed.
The goat then kicked some dirt with its front hoof.
"I don't want to end up like Hitler!" Wojtyła shouted. "Shoot it!"
As the goat continued kicking some dirt, Stefan clumsily tried to grab the rifle hanging behind him, before dropping it.
"Hurry up! It's after us! Strzelaj! Strzelaj! Strzelaj!"
BANG!
The other soldier picked up the dropped rifle, and shot at the goat, killing it instantly. After a few minutes of frantic panic, Wojtyła finally broke the silence.
"Well, you guys mentioned something about your rations not being that wonderful..."
Stolengood
Banned
...well, you've answered the eternal question: The Pope doesn't shit in the woods... he shits in his pants.
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