It's the 35th anniversary of Live Aid. An unforgettable moment for those of us who were in our salad days around 1985, regardless of what you think of the whole charity thing.
As great as it was, though, like anything else it wasn't perfect. So here's some tweaks. I admit without apology that these are based entirely on my own likes and dislikes.
Usually when I do this, I speculate about John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Marvin Gaye and others being alive; for this one I decided to forgo that and work only with people who were actually available in 1985 and who didn't have a schedule conflict or drug addiction (Boy George) or some other thing precluding them from performing. I'm also working only with the artists who appeared on the DVD, since me and the missus just watched it this weekend (with the exception, of course, that it would be nice if the Led Zeppelin reunion wasn't famously horrible). So:
Re the London concert:
-Replace Sting's set with one by the Police. Assume they were able to overcome their differences for the day and the cause.
-Take Phil Collins out altogether; assume he has a schedule conflict or something. That way we're spared his silly-ass gesture of flying across to Philadelphia on the Concorde to perform there too.
-Replace Dire Straits (ugh) with the Kinks. Apparently someone had suggested inviting them, but Bob Geldof thought they weren't "famous enough." This is a very UK attitude; the Brits have been weirdly disdainful of the Kinks since the late 70s. Maybe someone convinces Bob that they're much bigger in America.
-Have the Rolling Stones (again, differences overcome) go on after Elton John. Paul McCartney still closes the show but is joined onstage by Geldof, Pete Townshend, David Bowie and Mick Jagger (the last in lieu of Alison Moyet).
Re the Philadelphia concert:
-Replace REO Speedwagon (double ugh) with the Talking Heads. ("REO Speedwagon" sounds like one of those names companies come up with when they merge.) The Talking Heads were originally supposed to be there.
-Replace the Thompson Twins with Billy Joel, who was supposed to be there. Maybe he's joined by the Four Seasons for "Uptown Girl."
-Move Duran Duran and Hall and Oates/Temptations a little earlier in the afternoon/evening.
-Replace Phil Collins' Philly set with some acoustic guitar-toting dude - Bruce Springsteen, Paul Simon, or James Taylor would all be fine here. Paul Simon is the best bet, since he was supposed to be there.
-Replace the screeching that is Patti Labelle with Diana Ross.
-Where Mick Jagger did his set in Philadelphia, put in Michael Jackson, ideally with his brothers.
-Bob Dylan's closing appearance: since Keith Richards and Ron Wood are in London, he's accompanied by Waylon Jennings and Kris Kristofferson (who were supposed to be there).
-And for the love of all that is lovable, get rid of Jack Nicholson and Bette Midler and their cheesy, unfunny Hollywood-style introductions, and bring out more people like Chevy Chase who actually know how to introduce a rock band - Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Robin Williams, really anyone who is from the Saturday Night Live universe.
As great as it was, though, like anything else it wasn't perfect. So here's some tweaks. I admit without apology that these are based entirely on my own likes and dislikes.
Usually when I do this, I speculate about John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Marvin Gaye and others being alive; for this one I decided to forgo that and work only with people who were actually available in 1985 and who didn't have a schedule conflict or drug addiction (Boy George) or some other thing precluding them from performing. I'm also working only with the artists who appeared on the DVD, since me and the missus just watched it this weekend (with the exception, of course, that it would be nice if the Led Zeppelin reunion wasn't famously horrible). So:
Re the London concert:
-Replace Sting's set with one by the Police. Assume they were able to overcome their differences for the day and the cause.
-Take Phil Collins out altogether; assume he has a schedule conflict or something. That way we're spared his silly-ass gesture of flying across to Philadelphia on the Concorde to perform there too.
-Replace Dire Straits (ugh) with the Kinks. Apparently someone had suggested inviting them, but Bob Geldof thought they weren't "famous enough." This is a very UK attitude; the Brits have been weirdly disdainful of the Kinks since the late 70s. Maybe someone convinces Bob that they're much bigger in America.
-Have the Rolling Stones (again, differences overcome) go on after Elton John. Paul McCartney still closes the show but is joined onstage by Geldof, Pete Townshend, David Bowie and Mick Jagger (the last in lieu of Alison Moyet).
Re the Philadelphia concert:
-Replace REO Speedwagon (double ugh) with the Talking Heads. ("REO Speedwagon" sounds like one of those names companies come up with when they merge.) The Talking Heads were originally supposed to be there.
-Replace the Thompson Twins with Billy Joel, who was supposed to be there. Maybe he's joined by the Four Seasons for "Uptown Girl."
-Move Duran Duran and Hall and Oates/Temptations a little earlier in the afternoon/evening.
-Replace Phil Collins' Philly set with some acoustic guitar-toting dude - Bruce Springsteen, Paul Simon, or James Taylor would all be fine here. Paul Simon is the best bet, since he was supposed to be there.
-Replace the screeching that is Patti Labelle with Diana Ross.
-Where Mick Jagger did his set in Philadelphia, put in Michael Jackson, ideally with his brothers.
-Bob Dylan's closing appearance: since Keith Richards and Ron Wood are in London, he's accompanied by Waylon Jennings and Kris Kristofferson (who were supposed to be there).
-And for the love of all that is lovable, get rid of Jack Nicholson and Bette Midler and their cheesy, unfunny Hollywood-style introductions, and bring out more people like Chevy Chase who actually know how to introduce a rock band - Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Robin Williams, really anyone who is from the Saturday Night Live universe.
