Hitler fell drunk in the Reichstag and wakes up in fire.
His body is blamed for the fire.
His body is blamed for the fire.
Hilarious Ways For Hitler to Die
- Thread starter GlobalHumanism
- Start date
Blondi is seized by an indiscernible fit of rage and clamps down on her owner's throat, crushing his windpipe, and puncturing his carotid. Dies within a matter of minutes in the arms of Eva Braun.
RodentRevolution
Banned
Alarmingly I read this as Eva Peron the first time, though I suppose Eva Duarte could have moved to Berlin by some twist of fate...
Massive gas leak in the Berlin bunker . Someone tries to light a cigarette . Hitler flambe anyone ?
"Hi, my name is Hermann and I'm an alcoholic. I realized I had a problem after one of my drunken pranks killed the Fuhrer."
While visiting the front, an unsuspected surprise attack from the allies catches Hitler's group unaware. There are heavy casulties and only a handfull of German underlings escape. The allies, unaware that Hitler was even there move on. A wounded but still alive Hitler wakes up several hours later to discover his troops decimated, and he is alone, wounded, and it is dark. A pack of wolves decend on the carnage and eat Hitler alive!
while getting dressed one morning, Hitler accidentally knicks his belt with his ever present Hitler Youth knife. Nothing happens immediately, but it will have dire consequences later. That afternoon, Hitler goes to see one of his new jet planes in operation. After it lands, unable to restrain his enthusiasm, he runs out onto the tarmac and puts his hand on the engine pod... and burns it horribly. The pilot, hearing Hitler shrieking in pain and thinking he will be held accountable, panics, does a hurried start, and takes off. In his panic, he tries to climb the jet straight up and it stalls, heading for the ground... right where Hitler is hopping around and trying to soothe his burned hand. Hitler looks up and sees the jet falling, and tries to flee. At this moment, his notched belt breaks (ha! forgot about that, didn't you!) and his pants fall down around his ankles, revealing his boxer shorts decorated with little swastikas. He tries to flee while trying to hold up his pants with his good hand... to no avail. The jet crashes right on top of him. The entire affair is captured for all time on a propaganda film that was being shot, and the film is later captured by the Americans, who show it to the world. Everyone laughs.
Saphroneth
Banned
During a demonstration V-2 launch, the missile comes back down on the reviewing stand.
Hitler is so incensed by "The Great Dictator" that he and Otto Skorzeny go to the US by submarine to personally execute Chaplin. Tracking him down to a restaurant he sees him go into the "rest room" and follows him in. Hearing cursing in German Chaplin uses his performance skills to hide. In the restaurant is a Nazi sympathizer who also wants to kill Chaplin awaiting his exit. Unable to find Chaplin Hitler exits to be mistaken for Chaplin and shot. Skorzeny shoots the sympathizer only to gunned down as he forgets the American love of weaponry.
Chaplin emerges, realises what is going on and reprises his closing Great Dictator speech.
Chaplin emerges, realises what is going on and reprises his closing Great Dictator speech.
B-29_Bomber
Banned
In 1939 Hitler dies while having a strange sex act performed that involves him, Himmler, Eva, Blondi, and a very brave Pineapple(and a sponge).
The latter being the most decorated piece of fruit in British military history.
The latter being the most decorated piece of fruit in British military history.
An Itch you cannot scratch
Eva Braun becomes known by several..er..dozen well travelled sailors ... intimately...prior to her meeting Hitler
She then gifts Adolf with an itch that then modern science cannot treat effectively.
By this time(1935) Hitler had turned Germany into a totalitarian state ruled by fear and his physicians were too scared to tell him the truth - i.e. that he was suffering from Syphilis
The treatment using Mercury among other things does not cure him and eventually the long term neurological effects of the 'gift' and the use of mercury as a 'cure' drives him mad.
Unable to lead the National Socialists he is quietly removed in early 1938 and after a short power struggle Rudolph Hess takes control - the party unaware of his drug problem.
Adolf Hitler by then quite unhinged is quietly moved under an old assumed name 'Adolf Wolff' to a secure Clinic where he becomes an early victim of the T4 'Euthanasia' programme when he was given a lethal injection of the toxic chemical Phenol in early 39.
That'll learn the evil little shit
Eva Braun becomes known by several..er..dozen well travelled sailors ... intimately...prior to her meeting Hitler
She then gifts Adolf with an itch that then modern science cannot treat effectively.
By this time(1935) Hitler had turned Germany into a totalitarian state ruled by fear and his physicians were too scared to tell him the truth - i.e. that he was suffering from Syphilis
The treatment using Mercury among other things does not cure him and eventually the long term neurological effects of the 'gift' and the use of mercury as a 'cure' drives him mad.
Unable to lead the National Socialists he is quietly removed in early 1938 and after a short power struggle Rudolph Hess takes control - the party unaware of his drug problem.
Adolf Hitler by then quite unhinged is quietly moved under an old assumed name 'Adolf Wolff' to a secure Clinic where he becomes an early victim of the T4 'Euthanasia' programme when he was given a lethal injection of the toxic chemical Phenol in early 39.
That'll learn the evil little shit
No Good Deed
Adolf sees Staufenburg leave the briefcase of July 20th under the table and walk out. He can't believe the man's forgetfulness and picks it up in an attempt to get it back to him.
Halfway across the compound he stops. "Herr Staufenburg you forgot something!" he yells brandishing the briefcase at the Colonel.
Staufenburg runs for cover.
A puzzled look runs across the Fuhrer's face.
The briefcase explodes.
Adolf sees Staufenburg leave the briefcase of July 20th under the table and walk out. He can't believe the man's forgetfulness and picks it up in an attempt to get it back to him.
Halfway across the compound he stops. "Herr Staufenburg you forgot something!" he yells brandishing the briefcase at the Colonel.
Staufenburg runs for cover.
A puzzled look runs across the Fuhrer's face.
The briefcase explodes.
Ryan
Donor
Killed by a weaponised British joke.
"Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
Hitler insists that Sealion is plausible,sails in a barge to Britain in person,gets gunned down by the Royal Navy in the middle of the English Channel.
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