DBWI : Reverse the military reputations of France and Germany

Admiral Bloonbeard

Admiral Bloonbeard

How do we reverse the military reputations of France and Germany? France is often known as “the mighty nation that can conquer the world” while Germany is known as “beer drinking surrender monkeys”. France is one of the most overrated military nations in pop culture. French tanks in World War 2 sucked, they had one man turrets, the Renault R35 literally had the same gun as the Renault FT, and French tanks DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A RADIO! German tanks were among the best in the war, including the Panzer 3 and 4, but there’s always the “1 gear go in forward and 5 gears go in reverse” joke. The Luftwaffe was better than the Armée de l'air and the BF-109 was equal to the D.520. French generals effectively received cult status. Charles de Gaulle is often remembered as the sole inventor of the guerre éclair tactic (OCC : blitzkrieg) even though several other generals pioneered the tactic including Heinz Guderian. Philippe Leclerc AKA the Paris Fox got glorified so much, there’s a movie about him, books, and even a meme called “Saint Leclerc”. Alphonse Juin is famous for his tactics for breaking lines, even though he had an ENTIRE division encircled. Not to mention France in 1940 had one of the worst military defeats in history despite winning World War 1 over 20 years before. Edgy teenagers wearing Adrian helmets blast the song “Ils ne passeront pas!”. Napoleon is remembered for his brilliant military tactics and his contribution to European democratization, even though Fredrick the Great was also important in his era and was too a brilliant military genius. The Templar Knights became very popular with medieval fans. Even though Germany lost two World Wars, they too have a badass history such as the Germanic tribes, the Teutonic Order, Fredrick the Great, and Bismarck. The French had people like Charlemagne, when the Germans also had important people like Barbarossa and were important to the fall of the Roman Empire. There a Sabaton song that made the French battleship Richelieu very popular. Even though the German battleship Bismarck was the Richelieu’s equal and the Italian Litorrios were better than the Dunkirques. Bundeswehr fail videos are very popular on the internet. How do we reverse the pop culture reputations of France and Germany where Germany is seen as the militarily badass nation and France a nation of white flag waving cowards?
 
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Tales Weaver

Tales Weaver

Have Poland fail to repel Nazi invasion. poland managed to repel Nazi invasion when it happened in September of 1939. This led to hitler and nazis being couped out later that year.
 

SeaBos

It was a mix of incredible incompetence with incredible bad luck. For all its appeals to strength and order the Nazi Party was neither strong nor organized throughout their short time in power. Hitler and his faction were in power but spent much of their time scheming and fighting intra-party rivalries, which only became worse when Ernst Rohm held his own during the Night of the Blunted Knives. Following this Hitler would become increasing paranoid of 'hereditary Rohmism', leading him to strike at shadows and then the family members of those in his midst. This only served to make Rohm larger in stature than he already was.

Per Albert Speer, in 1939 Hitler come up with a scheme to invade Poland with Rohm at the forefront in the hopes that some enterprising Polish soldier would take him out. At first the plan seemed to work, with Nazi forces rapidly overwhelming the Polish defenses and Rohm was pronounced MIA, following a 'disorganized advance'. It was then that Hitler decided to visit the front and do the leader thing of comforting wounded men, chatting with the soldiers and honoring his assumed dead former rival. That was when things really went downhill.

Hitler decided that it would be a good idea to be seen eating with the men and despite being a nominal vegetarian ate the standard pork rations that the common soldier was being served that day. Not long afterwards he became violently ill, likely due to accidental food poisoning and as he recovered began mass purges of the military while they were still on the frontlines. By mid-September the Germans were more under threat from their countrymen than they were from the Polish forces. The Soviets had been planning to invade Poland but backed out at the last moment as the Nazis started tearing themselves apart. Instead selling needed supplies to Poland at absurd mark-ups.

By the start of October the Nazi position was falling apart in Poland, when Ernst Rohm returned to Germany (this part to the tale has inspired all sorts of speculation and conspiracy theories but the safest bet is that the Polish with possible Soviet pressure let him go in a series of events that mirrored Germany's support for Vladimir Lenin in WWI leading to Russian Revolution). Popular anger turned to terror when a jumpy soldier fired on French soldiers across the Maginot Line leading Germany to stumble back into the same two front war that Kaiser Wilhelm had led them to with an even less competent leader. With the political crisis worsening everyday Rohm was basically able to waltz right into power, were he decided that the position in Poland couldn't be saved and reached out for armistice with France, Poland, and the Soviet Union.

France had basically lost nothing in the war, the panicky soldier missed the soldier that he was aiming and only ruined his hat but seeing how terrified the Germans were of a two front war pushed them to concede on multiple issues in return for their help getting status quo antebellum with the still enraged Poland. Thus the Germans were humiliated, Poland defended her independence at the cost of forced closer ties with the Soviet Union, and France won a war they hadn't fought at the price of one man's hat.
 
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