Alternate Presidential Assasinations thread

Emperor Norton I · Apr 20, 2009

Partly inspired by the Alternate First Men on the Moon thread.

In this thread, suggest alternative Presidential assassinations by this format:

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed):

Assassin(s):

Method of Assassination:

Place Assassinated:

The Date:

Any Details:

e.g., in so it could be

Name of the President (and anyone else injured): Adlai Stevenson

Assassin(s): Lee Harvey Oswald

Method of Assassination: Car Bomb

Place Assassinated: Dallas

The Date: November 22, 1963

Any Details: Stevenson's embargo on Cuba angered Oswald. This coupled with his war on the mafia led to Oswald and mob bosses teaming up, yaddah, JFK become President. JFK keeps Americans out of Vietnam.

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Dathi THorfinnsson · Apr 20, 2009

In this thread, suggest alternative Presidential assassinations by this format:

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): Bill Clinton

Assassin(s): Monica Lewinski

Method of Assassination: Exploding cigar

Place Assassinated: the White House

The Date:

Any Details: Monica decides that their affair is icky and tacky and convinces Bill that turnabout is fair play, so she inserts an exploding cigar (see CIA & castro assassination attempts) rectally....

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Berra · Apr 20, 2009

The must have

Name of the President: Bill Clinton

Assassin(s): Hillary Clinton

Method of Assassination: Beating to death during rage episode

Place Assassinated: the White House

The Date:

Any Details: Convicted of second degree murder, considered a crime of pasion

Zacoftheaxes · Apr 20, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): Jimmy Carter

Assassin(s): The Mob

Method of Assassination: Bomb strapped to Rabbit

Place Assassinated: Georgia swampland

The Date:

Any Details: Rabbit ran into Carter's boat and detonated.

Imperator Frank · Apr 20, 2009

Name of the President:Thande

Assassins:500 angry people

Method of Assassination:every method

Place Assassinated:white house

The Date:4,20,2009-4,20,2011

Any Details:the blamed him for everything.

catboy637 · Apr 20, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): John F. Kennedy.

Assassin(s): Richard Paul Pavlick

Method of Assassination: Car loaded with dynamite

Place Assassinated: Palm Beach, Florida

The Date: December 11th, 1960

Any Details: President LBJ, LBJ stops Bay of Pigs and intervention in Vietnam.

lord caedus · Apr 20, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): George W. Bush

Assassin(s): pretzel

Method of Assassination: pretzel insidiously waited until the president was alone watching a football game before it stuck itself in the president's windpipe & choked President Bush to death.

Place Assassinated: White House

The Date: January 4, 2002

Any Details: President Cheney begins the War on Pretzels, and spends billions of dollars combating the freedom-hating terrorist pretzels, as well as the wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran & North Korea.

Fenrir_Angerboda · Apr 20, 2009

lovely how everyone's taking this so seriously.

taking it right out of Timeline PS-1

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): Osama Bin Ladin (also injured Press Secretary David Axelrod, and two aides, All survived)

Assassin(s): Johnny Depp

Method of Assassination: 9mm handgun.

Place Assassinated: Anoldton DC, USA

The Date: June 19, 2006

Any Details: The assassination is beleived to be a Reponse to PResident Bin Laden's plans to Legalize Gay Marriages, eliminate all referances to God in all Federal and State Institutions, and legalize abortion.

General Mung Beans · Apr 20, 2009

Name of the President : John McCain

Assassin(s): Man in a chicken suit (name unidentified, called "John Doe" by police)

Method of Assassination: While at a ceremony of an opening of a chicken plant in Georgia McCain shook hands with the mascot of the chicken factory in a chicken suit. The man immediatly grabbed a chainsaw that a construction worker had been using and before bodyguards could do anything immediatly killed McCain with the chainsaw. Later the police discovered that

Place Assassinated: Wrightsville, Georgia, USA

The Date: December 21st 2012

Any Details: Lone Chainsawman theory preferred by most though theories of suspects ranging from the Mafia to apocolyptic cultists to the Roman Catholic Church exist.

Joke Insurance · Apr 20, 2009

General Mung Beans said:
Method of Assassination: While at a ceremony of an opening of a chicken plant in Georgia McCain shook hands with the mascot of the chicken factory in a chicken suit. The man immediatly grabbed a chainsaw that a construction worker had been using and before bodyguards could do anything immediatly killed McCain with the chainsaw. Later the police discovered that

Are you going to finish that?

Emperor Norton I · Apr 21, 2009

Could we keep most of these serious, please?

Really, I understand I couldn't stop the joke ones and think a few are ok. But not as every one or even a majority of them.

President_Gore · Apr 21, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): Richard Nixon, Governor J. James Exon

Assassin(s): Major Daniel Carcell (the actual assassin),H.R. Haldeman (former Nixon CoS, conspiracy leader), plus hidden Watergate conspirators

Method of Assassination: Sniper

Place Assassinated: Omaha, Nebraska

The Date: August 1st 1974

Any Details: The President, embroiled in the Watergate Scandal meets with the Governor of Nebraska, John James Exon at a hotel in Omaha. As the President and Governor exit the hotel and are about to enter the Presidential motorcade with crowds of loyal Presidential and Gubernatorial supporters outside. As President Nixon is about to enter his limo, he is shot twice in the chest by a sniper, Governor Exon looks up and was believed to have seen the shooter, Exon is then shot in the head.

Both Nixon and Exon die at the scene. Vice President Gerald R. Ford is sworn in as President, his approval ratings soar with public support following the Nixon assassination.

Secretly and unknown to the public, former White House Chief of Staff HR Haldeman, a close friend of Nixon and a power political figure had been behind the assassination with other fired Nixon officials and hidden and unknown Watergate conspirators. The plan was to wipe away the Watergate controversy by a much bigger event, Nixon's own assassination...

General Mung Beans · Apr 21, 2009

Name of the President : John McCain

Assassin(s): Man in a chicken suit (name unidentified, called "John Doe" by police)

Method of Assassination: While at a ceremony of an opening of a chicken plant in Georgia McCain shook hands with the mascot of the chicken factory in a chicken suit. The man immediatly grabbed a chainsaw that a construction worker had been using and before bodyguards could do anything immediatly killed McCain with the chainsaw. Later the police discovered that the man was working on an assumed and false name. His identity remains unknown to this day.

Place Assassinated: Wrightsville, Georgia, USA

The Date: December 21st 2012

Any Details: Lone Chainsawman theory preferred by most though theories of suspects ranging from the Mafia to apocolyptic cultists to the Roman Catholic Church exist.

Dork said:
Are you going to finish that?

Here finished it.

big_ben_mi · Apr 21, 2009

Name of President Killed: President Ronald Reagen
Also Killed: Press Secretary James Brady, Two DC Patrolmen

Assassin: John Hinckley,Jr.

Date of Assassination: March 30th, 1981
Location of Assassination: Outside the Washington Hilton Hotel

Method of Assassination: High Powered Assault Rifle

Details:
John Hinckley,Jr Came out of a crowd of admirers and emptied an entire clip from an Assault rifle before turning a hand gun on himself.
President Reagen was pronounced dead at the Washington University Hospital. Vice President George W. Bush was sworn in as the 41st President that afternoon.
In the years to come conspiracy theorists will talk about the connections between the family of John Hinckley, Jr and the business dealings of President George H.W Bush

MaskedPickle · Apr 21, 2009

Name of President Killed: President Richard M. Nixon

Also Killed: Vice-President Gerald Ford, and members of the US government such as Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, Secretary of Treasury William E. Simon, Secretary of Defence James R. Schlesinger and of the White House Staff

Assassin: Samuel Joseph Byck

Date of Assassination: February, 22th 1974

Location of Assassination: White House, Washington D. C.

Method of Assassination: Hijacked plane crashed on the White House

Details:The situation creates a small conflict between Democratic Speaker of the House Carl Albert, confirmed by the Congress, and Republican Secretary of the Interior Rogers Morton, the first survivor on the presidential line of succession, according to the 25th Amendment. Carl Albert is finally sworn in as the 38th President of the United States. The 1974 midterm elections are organized for the first time as an extraordinary presidential election, resulting in the election of Democrat Henry "Scoop" Jackson. His first decision is to begin the rebuilding of the White House.

mowque · Apr 21, 2009

Man, America has become such a violent place....

newsmancharnley · Apr 21, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): Woodrow Wilson

Assassin(s): his Doctor, Cary T. Grayson MD

Method of Assassination: injection of cyanide

Place Assassinated: White House

The Date: December 13 1919

Any Details: OTL Wilson suffered a massive stroke in September 1919, but his condition was kept secret for 17 months. In this timeline, Doctor Grayson rapidly decided that euthanasia was the only option to save the President from any further suffering. Vice-president Thomas R. Marshall becomes President and institutes a series of reforms - including the abolition of Capital Punishment and subsidies to the tobacco industry.

Emperor Norton I · Apr 22, 2009

mowque said:
Man, America has become such a violent place....

Well these aren't in the same universe.

W. T. Sherman · Apr 22, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): George W. Bush, Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki, Press Secretary Dana Perino (wounded).

Assassin(s):Muntadhar al-Zaidi

Method of Assassination: Thrown shoe stuffed with explosives.

Place Assassinated:Baghdad, Iraq.

The Date:Dec. 14, 2008

Any Details: As Bush tried to dodge the shoe, it explodes, killing Maliki instantly and severely wounding him. Seconds later, the second shoe follows and also explodes, destroying any chance to save the President. al-Zaidi is hailed as a hero throughout the Arab world. During his one month and five days in office before the inauguration of Barack Obama, President Cheney enjoys an unexpected surge in popularity (approval rating of 56% on Jan. 20), although later, controversy will emerge over the numerous pardons he had issued during this time, including Scooter Libby.

BrianP · Apr 22, 2009

Name of the President (and anyone else injured/killed): Killed: President Harry S. Truman, Secretary of State Dean Acheson; Secretary of Defense George C. Marshall; Officer Donald Birdzell; Agent Floyd Boring; Officer Joseph Davidson; Officer Leslie Coffelt

Wounded: Secretary of the Treasury John W. Snyder; Attorney General J. Howard McGrath

Assassin(s): Griselio Torresola, Oscar Collazo, and five other Puerto Rican nationalist

Method of Assassination: Shooting

Place Assassinated: Blair House, Washington, D.C.

The Date: November 1, 1950

Any Details:
The assassians coordinated their attack well, killing two police officers and a Secret Service agent outside of the Blair House, and one police officer inside. They stormed the building, searching for the President. At the time, President Truman was holding a cabinet meeting on the second floor. Torresola and Collazo made it to the meeting room, where they opened fire. Additional Secret Service agents soon arrived, killing or wounding all of the assassians.