Alternate Headlines

Chris Oakley

Chris Oakley

Banned
KEN LAY INDICTED

Accused serial killer charged by Harris County prosecutors in at least 18 Houston-area murders over past two years
 

Unknown

San Antonio Express News headline, August 30, 2005:
HURRICANE KATRINA MAKES LANDFALL

Houston-Galveston corridor devastated
Death toll believed to be in the hundreds
 
Aozhouhuaren

Aozhouhuaren

Banned
Yugoslavia out with Tito
Music fans furious after concert organizers in Sarajevo call in the wrong Jackson to perform. Michael reportedly distraught "We don't even look alike, how could this mix up have happened?"

Thande in critical condition.
Thande lying in critical condition at Addenbrooke's Hospital, after surviving a fifth assassination attempt in as many months. An unidentified member of Cambridge charter of the racist fascist group "Mame Thande with the Blame" is said to be the culprit. Local residents, family and close friends give out prayers and lay flowers outside the hospital. British PM declares the incident "a sad sad day for Britain"


 

Electric Earth

A movie was made based on the concept of tree branches falling in the forest and no one hears them: do they make a sound?: SILENCE OF THE LIMBS
 
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zakueins

President Clinton Murdered!
Hillary Clinton Found With Knife In Hand, Lewinsky Unharmed, Gore Sworn In

(AP)-President William Jefferson Clinton enters history today as the first President to be murdered. Hillary Clinton was arrested for the crime, having caught him and Monica Lewinsky-a Presidential intern-in their bed when Hillary returned early from a campaign fund raiser.
Before the Secret Service entered the room and pulled Hillary off of President Clinton, she stabbed him five times-twice in the heart, and once across the throat, severing a major artery. He was taken immediately to Bethesda Hospital, but was declared dead at 1:17 am, Washington time due to heart damage and loss of blood. The weapon-a letter opener-was recovered, as well.
 

Sgt Detritus

New Shakespeare play found

Historians have found evidence of a new play by William Shakespeare, contemporary of the great Christopher Marlowe. Shakespeare was murdered in Deptford in 1593 in a argument over the bill in a tavern
 

Lord Grattan

zakueins said:
President Clinton Murdered!
Hillary Clinton Found With Knife In Hand, Lewinsky Unharmed, Gore Sworn In

(AP)-President William Jefferson Clinton enters history today as the first President to be murdered. Hillary Clinton was arrested for the crime, having caught him and Monica Lewinsky-a Presidential intern-in their bed when Hillary returned early from a campaign fund raiser.
Before the Secret Service entered the room and pulled Hillary off of President Clinton, she stabbed him five times-twice in the heart, and once across the throat, severing a major artery. He was taken immediately to Bethesda Hospital, but was declared dead at 1:17 am, Washington time due to heart damage and loss of blood. The weapon-a letter opener-was recovered, as well.
Click to expand...

In this TL did Lincoln, McKinley and Kennedy serve their full terms?
 

AirshipArmada

McCain Takes Cuba!
Republican hopeful John McCain won his party's primary election in Cuba with 39% of the popular vote.

__________

Cherokee-Transylvania Peace Accord Signed
The signing of this historic document puts an official end to the three year long conflict between the Cherokee Nation and the Republic of Transylvania. Prime Minister Rockerfeler (NE), who helped negotiate the agreement, cautioned that this is just a stepping stone on the path toward peace between the two nations who have frequently been at odds for much of the last two centuries.

________

Senator Zell Miller Slain in Duel!
Any gentlemen who frequents these pages is unlikely to be surprised that Senator Zell Miller and mediaist Chris Matthews felt honor compelled them to meet on the Bladensburg field yesterday morning for the purpose of satisfaction. Their respective Seconds' valiant attempts to settle matters in an equally honorable, but more peaceful way, were hampered by the very public manner that Sen. Miller challenged Mr. Matthews during an interview shortly after Sen. ZM's opening speech at the 2004 Whig Convention.

Mr. Matthews will reportedly be traveling abroad for the the next full year, and is unlikely to return to U.S. soil until the statute of limitations for dueling related deaths has elapsed.
 

Electric Earth

Weiner Zeitung, May 9, 1896 (translation)

Lambach Lad, 7, Found Shot to Death; Constables Baffled by Shell Casings, Odd Designs, Possibly from America LAMBACH----The city of Lambach is horrified at the senseless slaughter of 7-year-old Adolf Hitler. Residents have described Adolf as a "darling little boy who did not deserve such a fate." Authorities have contacted American embassy personnel, who have described the shell casings as a design totally new to them.
 
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Electric Earth

Princeton University President Killed on Nassau Street by Runaway Horse and Wagon PRINCETON--Woodrow Wilson, 48, controversal President of Princeton University was killed yesterday morning while crossing Nassau Street on his way to work. An automobile backfired at the corner of Witherspoon Street, which caused a nearby horse to bolt.
 
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