AHC: The greatest Wank ever performd
- Thread starter woweed
- Start date
jahenders
Banned
A tall order. The best I can come up with is this:
- USSR doesn't fall, retains control of Eastern Europe, and remains a strong threat
- China grows in strength and constantly threatens US, UK, Australian interests in the pacific
- France and Germany, for social, budgetary, and/or peacenik reasons, pull out of NATO. Several other members follow suit
- USSR threatens a variety of US/UK interests
- US and UK conclude that they have to work together to oppose both USSR and China. It is agreed that Canada, NZ, and Australia should be involved because the threats are global.
- US, UK, Canada, NZ, and Australia (the 5 eyes) set out to form a treaty organization but quickly conclude that there are as many economic issues as military. They form the UUCU (US, UK, Commonwealth Union) -- kind of like the EU and NATO combined.
- Headquarters is in the US, with an secondary headquarters in Sydney.
- As pressure from USSR and/or China grows, some other countries lobby to join
- USSR doesn't fall, retains control of Eastern Europe, and remains a strong threat
- China grows in strength and constantly threatens US, UK, Australian interests in the pacific
- France and Germany, for social, budgetary, and/or peacenik reasons, pull out of NATO. Several other members follow suit
- USSR threatens a variety of US/UK interests
- US and UK conclude that they have to work together to oppose both USSR and China. It is agreed that Canada, NZ, and Australia should be involved because the threats are global.
- US, UK, Canada, NZ, and Australia (the 5 eyes) set out to form a treaty organization but quickly conclude that there are as many economic issues as military. They form the UUCU (US, UK, Commonwealth Union) -- kind of like the EU and NATO combined.
- Headquarters is in the US, with an secondary headquarters in Sydney.
- As pressure from USSR and/or China grows, some other countries lobby to join
England wins the hundred years war. The French are happy with the situation because...reasons? So the English and French become Franglais. This behemoth of both land and sea noms on all it's neighbours. Then discovers America. Noms that. Same with Australia.
Frangleterre reigns supreme.
Frangleterre reigns supreme.
Mr.Progressive
Banned
Either the Nazis or Soviets take over mainland Europe
Great Britain is so damaged they ask to join the US, with the commonwealth joining to help fight a global threat
WW3 wipes out most of Western Europe, which gets annexed
How I do ?
Great Britain is so damaged they ask to join the US, with the commonwealth joining to help fight a global threat
WW3 wipes out most of Western Europe, which gets annexed
How I do ?
Hapsburg Empire more unified and stable?
With a stable union between Spain and the HRE/Austria, you suddenly find yourself with an empire that controls almost all of the Americas as well as much of Western Europe as a starting point. You've got all of Iberia, much of Italy, all of Germany as well as Austria, the Netherlands/Belgium, New Spain, Peru, Brazil, the Philippines, Indonesia, as well as outposts in Africa.
Have a Spanish Armanda analogue go more well, you could have a Hapsburg put on the English throne that is subservient to the Emperor. By the time of this POD, Ireland will inevitably be claimed by England. If France is somehow eaten away at (I have no idea how), you've suddenly got all of Western Europe under either direct or indirect control.
The rest of the Americas will follow over the next few centuries. Australia and NZ in the centuries following that.
Might be a bit ASB, but I suppose it's possible, though not probable.
With a stable union between Spain and the HRE/Austria, you suddenly find yourself with an empire that controls almost all of the Americas as well as much of Western Europe as a starting point. You've got all of Iberia, much of Italy, all of Germany as well as Austria, the Netherlands/Belgium, New Spain, Peru, Brazil, the Philippines, Indonesia, as well as outposts in Africa.
Have a Spanish Armanda analogue go more well, you could have a Hapsburg put on the English throne that is subservient to the Emperor. By the time of this POD, Ireland will inevitably be claimed by England. If France is somehow eaten away at (I have no idea how), you've suddenly got all of Western Europe under either direct or indirect control.
The rest of the Americas will follow over the next few centuries. Australia and NZ in the centuries following that.
Might be a bit ASB, but I suppose it's possible, though not probable.
France wins the 7 years war, retaining its possessions in North America and India and taking the English lands over there.
This doesn't help the finances of the French crown which still suffers a revolution a bit later (probably earlier than OTL actually, colonisation is a huge expense).
From the revolution, young and charismatic generals come who fight against the monarchic forces of Europe and beat them mercilessly before incorporating them in the MAGNIFICENT French Empire. They then invade England because they probably did something to deserve it (if not it's just retribution for the last 100 years).
France reigns supreme.
This doesn't help the finances of the French crown which still suffers a revolution a bit later (probably earlier than OTL actually, colonisation is a huge expense).
From the revolution, young and charismatic generals come who fight against the monarchic forces of Europe and beat them mercilessly before incorporating them in the MAGNIFICENT French Empire. They then invade England because they probably did something to deserve it (if not it's just retribution for the last 100 years).
France reigns supreme.
Errnge's proposal for a more unified and stable Hapsburg Empire is the most plausible way of achieving this.
If Hapsburg Austria had won a decisive victory in the 30 Years War all the German states would have become vassals of the Emperor so we would have had a united Germany (that included Austria and the Czech republic) about 300 years earlier.
Then if we go back a step and Charles V does not divide his Monarchia between his brother and son that means one man rules Iberia, Germany, the Low Countries and about half of Italy by the time of the Peace of Westphalia in 1648.
In these circumstances it is unlikely that France would have crushed Spain in the Franco-Spanish War. Therefore there would have been no marriage between Louis VIX and Infanta Maria Theresa. However, if the marriage had taken place King Phillip V of Spain would also have been Holy Roman Emperor and King Phillip VII of France in 1715.
Then one man rules Western Europe apart from the British Isles and Scandinavia. If the British, French and Spanish Colonies in North America had developed the same way the Hapsburgs would in theory rule all of the continent except for the British colonies on the eastern seaboard and Hudson's Bay.
I repeat that it is highly unlikely that Phillip IV of Spain would have agreed to this condition if he had defeated France instead of suffering a crushing defeat.
However, if Phillip III of Spain was also ruler of the Austrian Hapsburg lands.
And
If this (plus a stronger Spanish economy) had enabled him to unify Germany in 1648 and decisively defeat France in 1659.
Then
He would have established a hegemony over Western Europe and therefore North America.
So provided he and his successors can hold it together and transform it from a collection of states under the personal rule of one man into some form of unitary or federal state they could colonise most of the non-European world if they wanted to. Because if nothing else changes there is nobody left to stop them.
The only other ways I can think of this happening are:
1) Charlemagne's empire isn't divided. His successors expand it until by the end of the Middle Ages it includes the British Isles, Iberia and Southern Italy.
2) The Western Roman Empire survives and by the end of the Middle Ages has conquered Germany.
If Hapsburg Austria had won a decisive victory in the 30 Years War all the German states would have become vassals of the Emperor so we would have had a united Germany (that included Austria and the Czech republic) about 300 years earlier.
Then if we go back a step and Charles V does not divide his Monarchia between his brother and son that means one man rules Iberia, Germany, the Low Countries and about half of Italy by the time of the Peace of Westphalia in 1648.
In these circumstances it is unlikely that France would have crushed Spain in the Franco-Spanish War. Therefore there would have been no marriage between Louis VIX and Infanta Maria Theresa. However, if the marriage had taken place King Phillip V of Spain would also have been Holy Roman Emperor and King Phillip VII of France in 1715.
Then one man rules Western Europe apart from the British Isles and Scandinavia. If the British, French and Spanish Colonies in North America had developed the same way the Hapsburgs would in theory rule all of the continent except for the British colonies on the eastern seaboard and Hudson's Bay.
I repeat that it is highly unlikely that Phillip IV of Spain would have agreed to this condition if he had defeated France instead of suffering a crushing defeat.
However, if Phillip III of Spain was also ruler of the Austrian Hapsburg lands.
And
If this (plus a stronger Spanish economy) had enabled him to unify Germany in 1648 and decisively defeat France in 1659.
Then
He would have established a hegemony over Western Europe and therefore North America.
So provided he and his successors can hold it together and transform it from a collection of states under the personal rule of one man into some form of unitary or federal state they could colonise most of the non-European world if they wanted to. Because if nothing else changes there is nobody left to stop them.
The only other ways I can think of this happening are:
1) Charlemagne's empire isn't divided. His successors expand it until by the end of the Middle Ages it includes the British Isles, Iberia and Southern Italy.
2) The Western Roman Empire survives and by the end of the Middle Ages has conquered Germany.
Last edited:
Frankish Empire survives undivided under a centralized rule.
They somehow manage to weather the Reformation (if it doesn't get butterflied, anyway), and come out as a large, centralized and secularized state.
From that, they set out to conquer the world.
They somehow manage to weather the Reformation (if it doesn't get butterflied, anyway), and come out as a large, centralized and secularized state.
From that, they set out to conquer the world.
The Angevins acquire the Holy Roman Empire, and end up winning the 100 Years War. The Pope becomes viewed as an Angevin pupet. The Spanish and Polish prop up separate Popes. The Golden Horde sets itself up in Eastern Europe. Poland becomes a puppet of the Angevins. With no friendly powers to the east, the Angevins set west. They discover Cookland (The Americas), and begin colonizing them. The Muslim states begin to colonize the South of Cookland. He Angevins finally get to Asia, conquering Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, the Philipines, and Australia. They have all the areas specified in the challenge by 1900.
Around 1900 there was an idea that a union of the English speaking nations was only a few decades away. That would put you 90% of the way to the goal. Then if WWII still happens the combined US/British armies would likely end up controlling much of mainland Europe.
The Roman Empire is successful a Teutoburg Forest and the German tribes never manage to grow strong on Rome's borders. As the centuries pass, Rome uses more and more lumber from Germany, changing the place from forest into productive farmland, and Rome gradually annexes more territory to feed the burgeoning masses. By 1000 AD the great state desires to capture the Baltic trade and expands settlements into these areas.
By the early 1200s Rome is increasingly based around a maritime empire, sending ships regularly out of the Med and through the English channel. This improvement in navigation abilities causes explorers to increasingly expand out into the Atlantic Ocean, looking for the mythical Thule. Ships bearing SPQR cross to Iceland and Greenland, before finding the lush fisheries off New England. The Roman State, rapidly modernising, plans settlements down the coast of North America to capture this newfound opportunity.
As Roman settlers cross the Appalachians, more and more urban peasants from Europe look to cross the Atlantic in search of a new life. Meanwhile the most intrepid Romans, looking for new bounty, travel further south, ultimately finding the Aztec and Inca Empires. The reports of vast gold stores and other precious metals causes the Roman State to send an Imperial Fleet out to capture these newfound civilizations. The great wealth captured pours into state coffers. A string of Emperors realise this is their chance to finally subjugate the barbarians on their Eastern frontiers, that regularly disrupt trade in the Baltic and the Black Sea. Great roads are built to march armies out into the eastern European plain, and the Slavic savages simply can not compete with the organisation and wealth of the great Rome.
In the following century, sailors are sent out to see what other wealth exists beyond the borders of the known world. Ships round the Cape of Good Hope, and find the civilisations of the East. Wars are fought and colonies are founded. Among these are new Roman colonies of the southern continent. As happened in North America, gradually the whole land mass is captured, remaining loyal to the God-Emperor in central Italia.
By the early 1200s Rome is increasingly based around a maritime empire, sending ships regularly out of the Med and through the English channel. This improvement in navigation abilities causes explorers to increasingly expand out into the Atlantic Ocean, looking for the mythical Thule. Ships bearing SPQR cross to Iceland and Greenland, before finding the lush fisheries off New England. The Roman State, rapidly modernising, plans settlements down the coast of North America to capture this newfound opportunity.
As Roman settlers cross the Appalachians, more and more urban peasants from Europe look to cross the Atlantic in search of a new life. Meanwhile the most intrepid Romans, looking for new bounty, travel further south, ultimately finding the Aztec and Inca Empires. The reports of vast gold stores and other precious metals causes the Roman State to send an Imperial Fleet out to capture these newfound civilizations. The great wealth captured pours into state coffers. A string of Emperors realise this is their chance to finally subjugate the barbarians on their Eastern frontiers, that regularly disrupt trade in the Baltic and the Black Sea. Great roads are built to march armies out into the eastern European plain, and the Slavic savages simply can not compete with the organisation and wealth of the great Rome.
In the following century, sailors are sent out to see what other wealth exists beyond the borders of the known world. Ships round the Cape of Good Hope, and find the civilisations of the East. Wars are fought and colonies are founded. Among these are new Roman colonies of the southern continent. As happened in North America, gradually the whole land mass is captured, remaining loyal to the God-Emperor in central Italia.
Mexican-American War
In 1789 George Washington becomes president of this whole Nation.
In 1803, USA purchase the French colony of Louisiana.
In 1812, as Britain has no foot hold in North America sends more troops into battler in Europe, claiming more victories from France while Napoleon, was fighting in Russia.
1820, saw the established of the American Colonization Society, with Paul Cuffee as American Secretary of Africa, under President, John Quincy Adams. Cuffee found free land and formed the Republic of Liberia, in West Africa.
1845–51, sees the Mexican-American War, President James K. Polk became known for his strong will in not allowing the Mexicans to surrender, he died of cholera, in 1949, three months into his second term and was succeeded by his second Vice President, Lewis Cass.
President Lewis Cass was famous for not only the major victory in Mexico
but also for the admission of California into the Union on September 9, 1850 and the Alaska Purchase in 1853
So by 1855, the whole northern continent of American was under the administration of the United States of America.
In 1862 to 1864, 9 states from the South Eastern parts of America, declared their secession from the union however it was quickly squashed down by US General Lee and Grant under the watchful eyes of President Lincoln.
The Kingdom of Hawaii was closely linked by missionary work and trade to the U.S. by the 1880s. In 1893 business leaders overthrew the Queen and sought annexation.
On March 4, 1897, Theodor Roosevelt was elected President after William McKinley was shot during his campaigning for the presidency.
On the 20 May 1901, Cuba asked President Roosevelt for permission to be admitted into the US Union as Protection from Spain.
President Roosevelt was not re-nominated for the republican nominee after William Taft, argued that Roosevelt's foreign policies as too interventionism.
In 1904, Taft lost to Democrat, Alton B. Parker who only lasted one term.
In 1908, Theodor Roosevelt became the second President to have inconsecutive terms in office.
And in 1912, he was elected to a third term in office. This saw the Great War break out in Europe 1914. Roosevelt pledged himself to enter the war on the side of France, from the very start with the war ending in December 1915.
With the Treaty of Versailles, Roosevelt demanded for its help in the war, the US should be allowed to make German colonies of German Kamerun (Cameroon and Nigeria) and German Togoland (Togo and Ghana) in Africa be given the right to become states under the American Secretary of Africa, who at this time was Walter L. Cohen, which was pasted with French pressure.
However the war had done taken its toll on France, with French Prime Minister Georges Clemenceau, asking for his nation to join into a union with the US.
In 1916, Irish-descendent Woodrow Wilson, became president, his term saw the US supporting the Irish War of Independence against the British and by 4 July 1920, Ireland became a state within the United States of America. His term also saw the fear of Fascism, with Far Left political movements and communism in Europe.
Woodrow Wilson died on February 3, 1924, a year away from fulfilling his second term and succeeded by Thomas R. Marshall.
Due to ill health Thomas R. Marshall, did not stand in the next election and was replaced by In 1925, Republican Senator Hiram Johnson, was elected President, his isolation policies were blamed for the devastating Wall Street Crash in October 1929.
He called an emergency election in 1930, the first in US history with Al Smith becoming the first Catholic President.
Al Smith was re-elected in 1934, and saw on 17 July 1936, Spain plunged into a civil war, like his processors, Smith campaigned on being the supported of democracy and would fight the injustice of the Fascism, sending troops in to Spain on 11 September. The war ended on 1 April 1938 with the Republican fraction beating the Nationalist. Spain wanted to be annexed and was admitted into the Union in 1940.
To Be Continued.....
List of American Secretary of Africa
Paul Cuffee 1820-1829
Alexander Twilight 1829-1851
Sojourner Truth 1851-1857
Frederick Douglass 1857-1864
William Cooper Nell 1864-1874
John Willis Menard 1874-1888
P. B. S. Pinchback 1888-1915
William Lewis 1915-1945
W. E. B. Du Bois 1945-1960
Martin L King 1960-1972
Shirley Chisholm 1972-1988
Jesse L. Jackson 1988-1996
Alan Keyes 1996-2001
Barack Obama 2001-2005
Carol M.Braun 2005-Present
The United States of the World (USW)
or
Bloody Big Wank (BBW)
I think the best way would be in 1775 when all the Northern American colonies of Britain rebelled as a whole, defeating the British forces forming a large United States of America. Like this:
In 1789 George Washington becomes president of this whole Nation.
In 1803, USA purchase the French colony of Louisiana.
In 1812, as Britain has no foot hold in North America sends more troops into battler in Europe, claiming more victories from France while Napoleon, was fighting in Russia.
1820, saw the established of the American Colonization Society, with Paul Cuffee as American Secretary of Africa, under President, John Quincy Adams. Cuffee found free land and formed the Republic of Liberia, in West Africa.
1845–51, sees the Mexican-American War, President James K. Polk became known for his strong will in not allowing the Mexicans to surrender, he died of cholera, in 1949, three months into his second term and was succeeded by his second Vice President, Lewis Cass.
President Lewis Cass was famous for not only the major victory in Mexico
but also for the admission of California into the Union on September 9, 1850 and the Alaska Purchase in 1853
So by 1855, the whole northern continent of American was under the administration of the United States of America.
In 1862 to 1864, 9 states from the South Eastern parts of America, declared their secession from the union however it was quickly squashed down by US General Lee and Grant under the watchful eyes of President Lincoln.
The Kingdom of Hawaii was closely linked by missionary work and trade to the U.S. by the 1880s. In 1893 business leaders overthrew the Queen and sought annexation.
On March 4, 1897, Theodor Roosevelt was elected President after William McKinley was shot during his campaigning for the presidency.
On the 20 May 1901, Cuba asked President Roosevelt for permission to be admitted into the US Union as Protection from Spain.
President Roosevelt was not re-nominated for the republican nominee after William Taft, argued that Roosevelt's foreign policies as too interventionism.
In 1904, Taft lost to Democrat, Alton B. Parker who only lasted one term.
In 1908, Theodor Roosevelt became the second President to have inconsecutive terms in office.
And in 1912, he was elected to a third term in office. This saw the Great War break out in Europe 1914. Roosevelt pledged himself to enter the war on the side of France, from the very start with the war ending in December 1915.
With the Treaty of Versailles, Roosevelt demanded for its help in the war, the US should be allowed to make German colonies of German Kamerun (Cameroon and Nigeria) and German Togoland (Togo and Ghana) in Africa be given the right to become states under the American Secretary of Africa, who at this time was Walter L. Cohen, which was pasted with French pressure.
However the war had done taken its toll on France, with French Prime Minister Georges Clemenceau, asking for his nation to join into a union with the US.
In 1916, Irish-descendent Woodrow Wilson, became president, his term saw the US supporting the Irish War of Independence against the British and by 4 July 1920, Ireland became a state within the United States of America. His term also saw the fear of Fascism, with Far Left political movements and communism in Europe.
Woodrow Wilson died on February 3, 1924, a year away from fulfilling his second term and succeeded by Thomas R. Marshall.
Due to ill health Thomas R. Marshall, did not stand in the next election and was replaced by In 1925, Republican Senator Hiram Johnson, was elected President, his isolation policies were blamed for the devastating Wall Street Crash in October 1929.
He called an emergency election in 1930, the first in US history with Al Smith becoming the first Catholic President.
Al Smith was re-elected in 1934, and saw on 17 July 1936, Spain plunged into a civil war, like his processors, Smith campaigned on being the supported of democracy and would fight the injustice of the Fascism, sending troops in to Spain on 11 September. The war ended on 1 April 1938 with the Republican fraction beating the Nationalist. Spain wanted to be annexed and was admitted into the Union in 1940.
To Be Continued.....
List of American Secretary of Africa
Paul Cuffee 1820-1829
Alexander Twilight 1829-1851
Sojourner Truth 1851-1857
Frederick Douglass 1857-1864
William Cooper Nell 1864-1874
John Willis Menard 1874-1888
P. B. S. Pinchback 1888-1915
William Lewis 1915-1945
W. E. B. Du Bois 1945-1960
Martin L King 1960-1972
Shirley Chisholm 1972-1988
Jesse L. Jackson 1988-1996
Alan Keyes 1996-2001
Barack Obama 2001-2005
Carol M.Braun 2005-Present
Firstly Spanish catholics prefered Franco
Secondly all I said was Al Smith was the first catholic president instead of jfk not that he went to war because of his religion as this would go against his campaign of not beinging a papal puppet
I also said it was to support democracy rather then fascist.