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Ronald Reagan

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Ronald Wilson Reagan (1911- )

Reagan is most famous for singlehandedly bringing down the Berlin Wall with one punch. This was followed by a one man march to Moscow which culminated in Reagan smashing in the heads of the leaders of the Soviet government, all except for Gorbachev, who was cowardly, and agreed to split up the Soviet Union in exchange for his life.

Once done, Reagan discovered the New World and found that it had slaves. Reagan believed this unjust, so he quickly freed the slaves and converted the natives to Christianity without the use of force.

Then, hearing that things had gone awry back in Europe, he flew back and kicked Hitler so hard in the balls that they flew out of his mouth, rendering him a human without a sex. The Germans would not vote for such a person, so Hitler did not come into power.

Afterwards, he set himself upon a campaign that would end racism and hate in the world, and this completely succeeded in a matter of months, except in the Middle East. After founding the Roman Empire to make sure this system remained stable, Reagan decided to rest and ignore the Middle East, but fate had other plans. Al Qaeda bombed Pearl Harbor at the order of their evil leader Louis XIV who wanted to bring Communists back into power. Reagan flew to Iraq where he not only slew Louis and his assistant Ahmadinehusseiladen, but he also killed Bill and shot the Sheriff (but he did not shoot the deputy). Once done, Reagan repulsed the attempted invasion by aliens, ending in him destroying their motherships on Independence Day.

His peace was short-lived though, because he had to go to Namek to fight the evil Lord Frieza and his helper Voldemort. So he set off, and the adventures of Reagan continue to this day…

(According to the theories of Rex Britanniae)

James Earl Carter

offtopic/ronald_reagan.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:13 by 127.0.0.1

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