Hero's Handy Dandy Steam Slave!

Geekhis Khan

Oh no! That lazy slave boy is sleeping again!

But wait, don't whip him yet, there's a better solution!

*ding!*

Yes, it's Heronco's(R) Steam Slave(TM)!

The amazing device that replaces that household slave.

Just add water to the hopper, place over a fire, and have hours of simple, repetitive tasks done without the need for a costly, lazy, and possibly mutinous slave!

Aeolipile_illustration.JPG


Here's how it works: add three congi of water to the boiling basin, another ten congi to the slow-drip refilling basin, place over fire, and within minutes the miraculous Wonder Sphere(TM) starts spinning!

Nearly any small, rotational household chore can be replicated. Pull up a heavy well bucket! Connect the included Feather Fans for a cool summer breeze! Use the special cog-gear attachment to stir a pot or laundry! Turn meat over the very fire that's heating the Steam Slave(TM)!

Yes, the Steam Slave(TM) can do it all!




But wait, there's more!

Order now and get the Little Tripper(TM) absolutely free! Yes, it's the world's smallest trip hammer! Pound grain into flour! Open nuts like magic! Beat the dust from that rug, all without lifting a finger!

How much would you pay for this amazing marvel?

Thirty sesterti?

Fifty?

No! Order now and get the Steam Slave(TM), the Feather Fan, the Cog-Gear, and the Little Tripper(TM), a 40 sesterti value all for only nine sesterti, three as!

Comes in Black Iron finish, Tin, Copper, or original Brass.

Deluxe Silver available for a modest extra charge.

Order now!

Offer void where prohibited. Not available in all places. Brittainian orders subject to additional shipping charges. Does not replace a slave for all duties. Unlike an actual slave, fornication with the Steam Slave(TM) is not recommended and can be dangerous. Heronco(R) is not responsible for injuries sustained while attempting fornication with the Steam Slave(TM). Offers subject to change. Limit three purchases per customer.


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Yes, I'm being a bit of a wise ass (so unlike my usual self), but this morning on the commute I started to think, well, what could you do with Hero's Aopile?

Sure, not much. My baby's spring top-toy has more torque. No "Roman Industrial revolution", that's for certain.

But with a little ingenuity there are a few simple "household chores" that one could perform. I added the slow-drip refill hopper to allow more than a few minutes of use, assuming the slow-drip once trial-calibrated, could keep up water levels without downing temperature in the boiler and stopping the steam.

Add a little deconstruction of the As Seen on TV industry and the rest writes itself. :p
 

Dilvish

Geekis,
I like this. I'm thinking of printing it off and using your advertisment in role-playing games.
 

mowque

Banned
Hero's little device is widly inefficent, if I remember correctly. And slaves were cheap..why bother with a less useful replacement?
 

MNP

mowque said:
Hero's little device is widly inefficent, if I remember correctly. And slaves were cheap..why bother with a less useful replacement?
Click to expand...
Surely there were Roman technophiles? People who had to have the latest aqueduct design or something?
 

ShadowCommunist2009

Surely there were Roman technophiles? People who had to have the latest aqueduct design or something?
Click to expand...

There had to have been. Society doesn't progress without the dweebs that have to have the latest version of the iPhone every time a new one comes out (every three minutes).

So I'm sure there were dweebie Romans who would have bought the wildly inefficient steam slave, allowing the maker to develop and improve it until you have Megatron Magnus Germanicus Nero by 37BC traipsing about in Scythia.
 
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MNP

ShadowCommunist2009 said:
There had to have been. Society doesn't progress without the dweebs that have to have the latest version of the iPhone every time a new one comes out (every three minutes).
Click to expand...
I don't know actually, I've wondered, how much did Roman society actually progress technologically? It seemed rather static until the Crisis of the Third Century which was a "change or die" moment that many people did end up dying in.

Of course that could be because western society has been the most dynamic in the history of the universe in the last few centuries.*

*I can say that because we have no evidence of aliens, and until we do, I am going to assume that we are the center and pinnacle of the universe!
 

Geekhis Khan

Thanks, all. And yes, as an engineer I'm fully aware of how hopelessly underpowered and inefficient the aeopileofcrap was...sort of like any number of made-for-TV "wonder inventions" you might mention ;). Remember: the above "MfTV Ad" is meant to oversell the device's potential. The trip hammers would have to be rather lightweight since the aeopile has negligible torque. The fan would probably just blow hot air from the fire onto you. The bucket of water's more than a bit of an oversell, and talk about pointlessly over-engineering a simple problem!

Still, I love the idea of hooking one up to a rotisserie spit and cooking chickens over the very fires that heat it. I figure if you had a spinning wheel and one of these (yea, more anachronism stew) you could automate thread-making. There's uses for it, but certainly more whiz-bang than practical. Still, as above posters pointed out, people love gadgets! :D

And Divish: feel free to use this in your game as a prop! :)
 

Dilvish

Geekhis Khan said:
*Bump* Can anyone else come up with any handy household uses? ;)
Click to expand...

Here's a crazy idea, a mechanical musical instrument. The ancients could make complex geared mechanisms. How much of a stretch would it be to make a musical curiousity with gears, the Steam Slave, and various wind and percussion instruments?

Geekhis, you're an engineer working in DC? What is your day job?
 

freodhoric

Dilvish said:
Here's a crazy idea, a mechanical musical instrument. The ancients could make complex geared mechanisms. How much of a stretch would it be to make a musical curiousity with gears, the Steam Slave, and various wind and percussion instruments?
Click to expand...
Myabe it could be used to run an organ.
 

Citizen

I would have thought, realistically, the only possibility for the Aeolipile would be if someone made the leap to combining it's principles with the water wheel and creating a crude steam turbine. If memory serves, the Steam turbine was invented (sort of) before the steam piston, in the 1500's I think.
 
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